38. The Realtor

The Story Must Be Told

The Last Podcast Network

Arts

4.8 • 530 Ratings

🗓️ 16 October 2018

⏱️ 14 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

The Story gives us our homes and today it takes one away. A home is but a house without the Story stirring within—do not think you control this process for even a goddamn second. Go ahead, make meals, make stinks, make squirts, and sire children in your house. It’ll be nothing more than a Squirt Tomb, a Stink Den, a Meal Prison, a Gamete Shack without the caress of the Story. Try to find happiness any other way and you’ll find such folly lacking. Lacking! Lacking! Invocation Sacrament: The Story Claims a Home Liturgical Reading: “The Realtor” Concluding Prayer Thank you for enduring—oh Story you endured!—these reimagined truths from our first season. Our first live show is behind us. We have been reborn in the Story’s graces. Thus, starting next week, we will have a bounty of fresh Stories to enjoy, dear congregant. We love you as the Story loves you.

Transcript

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0:00.0	Ladies and gentlemen, the story has chosen a beautiful day for us to worship outside.
0:28.8	We have left the church premises for our annual blessing of the home.
0:36.2	Mr. Mrs. Harris, thank you so much for offering your home to us.
0:42.1	Tommy and Terry are certainly blessed with such wonderful parents.
0:47.5	The pleasure of speaking outside in your backyard to our congregation is all mine.
0:55.0	Today we bless your house by offering it to the story.
1:00.0	We will set fire to it so that it might be engulfed in flames the way the story burns our hearts to ash. But first, let us pray. The story must be told.
1:16.5	The story must be told. Burn thine house and feed its wood and your memories to the fire of the story.
1:28.7	Ha!
1:29.5	I wish I had come up with that pearl wisdom.
1:33.8	But no, no, no.
1:35.7	Those words are written in the story,
1:39.1	spoken by Blessed Tony, the deceitful.
1:43.6	In his story, we are commanded to annually
1:47.6	immolate a house filled with love so that they might remember love is
1:53.8	temporary and the story permanent. Tommy, Tammy, come on up here. Pastor Andrew, give us a hand too. We need all the help we can.
2:06.8	Bring the torches. Oh, nelly. Those things are hot. God damn it. Shit. Okay. Mr. and Mrs. Harris, liturgical director Carl, will hold you back in the unlikely
2:23.3	event you struggle against the story and try to stop us.
2:28.3	Thank you, Carl. Those knots look tight enough.
2:33.3	Whoa, whoa, whoa, sister Callista, I think that is plenty. Those knots look tight enough.
2:37.4	Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, sister Callista, I think that is plenty.
2:42.6	We only want the kerosene to start the fire, not blow the goddamn thing apart.
	...

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