This is self-work and I'm Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Here at self-work we discuss psychological and emotional issues and what you can do about them.

Whether that's learning self-acceptance, taking action, or seeking therapy or treatment.

Eight years ago, I extended the walls of my practice to reach those of you

who are already very knowledgeable about mental health treatment but also to those of you

who might say you'd never dark in the door of a therapist and yet you are here I'll answer your questions

while I invite you to take a few minutes for your own self-work.

Now it's true that recent research has found that the brain

process is physical and emotional pain in similar ways and I realize that so when

your feelings are hurt you can actually feel that in the pit of your

stomach or your heart might ache. Yes so often that's the phrase we use or teach our

kids and then we leave it at that.

Welcome to this week's edition of Self- Work.

My feelings were hurt is a phrase very commonly used at least here in the US.

We even talk to our children about feelings using that term did someone hurt your feelings?

It's kind of interesting really when you think about it.

Instead of asking what happened and how

were or how are you feeling about it and helping your child sort out their exact

feelings in a way that's age appropriate for them, we kind of lump them all together.

When I thought about that for a moment, I realized that many of us carry that lumpy mess of

hurt feelings into our adulthood, and instead of being able to recognize and express something like, I didn't like the joke you told and would prefer you not to make those kinds of jokes around me, we say, your joke hurt my feelings.

Or instead of saying, I want you to ask me what I think and what I'd like,

instead of assuming you know. But instead we usually say, you hurt my feelings all the time

...