371: The Savior Complex Trap Pt. 2
The Connected Life
Justin Stumvoll
4.9 • 2.6K Ratings
🗓️ 9 February 2026
⏱️ 64 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
So many of us grow up believing that love means fixing, managing, or predicting other people. It feels safer to silence our needs than risk being "too much." But what if that survival strategy is actually what keeps us disconnected?
In part two of this three part series, Justin and Abi continue their conversation on codependency, sharing how growing up in chaotic homes taught them to avoid vulnerability and chase the illusion of peace. They unpack what happens when we don't know our own needs, why denial keeps us stuck, and how self-awareness becomes the key to real connection. Along the way, they explore how faith often reinforced control and what it looks like to reframe love through trust, autonomy, and compassion.
If you've ever felt like your very existence is a burden, or you're exhausted from controlling people in the name of care, this episode will help you find freedom and breathe again.
You can WATCH us at https://www.justinandabi.com/theconnectedlife
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Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | Life isn't perfect, and neither are we. |
| 0:05.0 | No, but we know how to face our fears and have some fun. |
| 0:10.0 | And talk about all the messiest things of life. |
| 0:13.0 | Like the messiest things. |
| 0:15.0 | Get connected to yourself, get connected to others, and get connected to the life right in front of you. |
| 0:21.6 | This is the connected life with Justin and Abby. |
| 0:24.6 | That's me. |
| 0:25.5 | That's you. |
| 0:26.5 | And you. |
| 0:27.4 | Hey, friends. |
| 0:28.4 | Welcome back to our codependent lives. |
| 0:32.6 | If you've been following along since last episode, we kicked it off with having a conversation about |
| 0:39.0 | wanting to change people and the root of codependency inside of that. |
| 0:43.2 | And we started to open up a dialogue about our history, our childhoods, how we get there. |
| 0:49.2 | One of the things that I think is vital every time that we have conversations about people and why they do what they do |
| 0:57.2 | is to have a sense of compassion. |
| 0:59.5 | And in the last conversation, we really broke the story open both in aspects of our own childhoods, |
| 1:09.0 | but also aspects of our parents and what was going on for them. |
| 1:12.6 | And really the heart of this is to help people get liberation, not just from the behavior of wanting to change people and control people and that codependency. |
| 1:23.6 | But we're also wanting to help people have more compassion and understanding for themselves |
| 1:28.9 | and grace. |
| 1:29.6 | I'm less shame. |
... |
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