370: Growing Up Codependent Pt. 1
The Connected Life
Justin Stumvoll
4.9 • 2.6K Ratings
🗓️ 2 February 2026
⏱️ 58 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
So many of us confuse codependency with love—believing that fixing, managing, or rescuing others is the way to feel safe and connected. But what if that "care" is really control in disguise?
In part one of this three part series, Justin and Abi get personal about how childhood instability, unprocessed grief, and toxic empathy shaped their patterns of over-responsibility. They unpack how codependency forms as a survival strategy, why hyper-vigilance can feel like compassion, and the hidden cost of carrying emotions that aren't yours. From childhood memories to marriage struggles, they share what it took to untangle those dynamics and begin choosing connection without control.
If you've ever felt exhausted from fixing everyone else, wondered why you can't stay out of someone's emotions, or longed for healthier boundaries, this conversation is for you!
You can WATCH us at https://www.justinandabi.com/theconnectedlife
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Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | Life isn't perfect, and neither are we. |
| 0:05.6 | No, but we know how to face our fears and have some fun. |
| 0:09.7 | And talk about all the messiest things of life. |
| 0:13.1 | Like the messiest things. |
| 0:14.7 | Get connected to yourself, get connected to others, and get connected to the life right in front of you. |
| 0:21.6 | This is the connected life with Justin and Abby. |
| 0:24.6 | That's me. |
| 0:25.5 | That's you. |
| 0:26.5 | And you. |
| 0:27.8 | Okay. |
| 0:28.8 | Starting this podcast off, how do you feel about a little bit of truth telling time? |
| 0:36.1 | Isn't that what every podcast is, a little bit of truth-telling time? |
| 0:39.8 | I mean, like, I would like to tell you some things. |
| 0:43.7 | Okay. |
| 0:44.9 | And this feels like a safe space for me to do it. |
| 0:46.8 | Oh, good, good, good, good. |
| 0:48.9 | I got to be honest. |
| 0:50.4 | There are some things that I'd like to change about you. |
| 0:55.7 | Not surprised. Not surprised. |
| 0:57.3 | Not surprised. |
| 0:59.0 | I was thinking the other day, like, how many couples must sit consistently thinking about all the things they want to change about their partners. |
| 1:06.3 | I mean, I spent a long time in our marriage doing that. |
... |
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