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The Gabby Reece Show

#346: How to Validate ANYONE, The Secret to Healthy Relationships - Dr. Caroline Fleck

The Gabby Reece Show

Dear Media

Nutrition, Wellness, Performance, Fitness, Health, 197246, Society & Culture, Health & Fitness

4.8 • 954 Ratings

🗓️ 20 October 2025

⏱️ 83 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Dr. Caroline Fleck shares with Gabby Reece the #1 communication skill from psychology (DBT) you need to master: VALIDATION. Learn how this essential relationship tool will transform your marriage, parenting, and friendships. The psychologist & author of Validation breaks down the exact steps to build deep connection, manage conflict, and achieve emotional regulation.

In this powerful episode of The Gabby Reece Show, host Gabby Reece and Dr. Caroline Fleck, a clinical psychologist and author of the book Validation: How the skillset that revolutionized psychology will transform your relationship, increase your influence, and change your life, discuss the profound impact of true validation.

Validation is more than just listening or feeling empathy; it is a communication skill that must be mastered to truly convey understanding and acceptance. Dr. Fleck reveals why this essential skill is typically only taught in advanced doctoral psychology programs (Dialectical Behavior Therapy or DBT) and how you can apply it to your everyday life to build stronger bonds and reduce conflict.

Key Takeaways You'll Learn:

  • The crucial difference between "problem-solving" and "validation" in real-life scenarios, especially with children.

  • The six levels of validation (the "validation ladder") and how to use them to instantly improve your communication.

  • Practical strategies for managing intense emotions and conflict using DBT's TIP skills (Temperature, Intense Exercise, Paced Breathing).

  • The power of a genuine apology, even as a parent, to model the behavior you want your kids to learn.

  • How to disclose your own experience to connect without overshadowing the other person's pain (the "flip it back" technique).

Don't miss these evidence-based strategies for better communication and personal transformation!

Subscribe to The Gabby Reece Show for more conversations on health, relationships, and human performance.

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Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0

Somebody said to me, if you were them, that's exactly the way you would act. And I thought that changes everything.

0:06.8

That is step one to personal transformation, to radically accept that.

0:11.3

This topic obviously means enough to you to write an entire book on it. You even talk about validation, a scenario, and a process.

0:19.3

Why this is only taught in doctoral programs for clinical

0:23.3

psychology, I have no idea. I'm continuously trying to get out of my own biases because I know

0:29.5

they exist. Do you have a trick? So this is so effective. Hi everyone. Welcome to the show.

0:36.0

When it comes to relationships, I think that we're all looking

0:39.2

for more information, ultimately bringing us to better answers. So how do we deeply connect,

0:46.9

respect and foster the bonds that we value most? Well, from my guest today, the answer is both

0:51.9

simple and complex. It's validation. It's a word we are all

0:55.9

familiar with, but a concept that I think most of us are still trying to figure out. So how do we

1:01.0

give it? How do we get it? And how can we become better at it? My guest today has spent much of

1:06.9

her career asking and answering these questions. As a psychologist, she works with countless

1:12.6

couples and individuals to help them improve their lives by improving their relationships with

1:18.3

themselves, but also with others. She is like a validation expert. So please welcome my guest,

1:25.3

author of the book, Validation, how the skill set that revolutionized

1:29.2

psychology will transform your relationship, increase your influence, and change your life.

1:34.9

Dr. Carolyn Fleck.

1:36.0

This podcast is brought to you by Fatty 15.

1:39.2

If you listen to this podcast at all, you probably get the sense that I care about not only how I feel now,

1:44.6

but also I am trying to age in a way where I do stay strong and sharp and energized. But the truth is,

1:51.7

I've noticed some changes. I mean, listen, whether it's slow recoveries after my workout,

...

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