What I was going to talk about today is I was thinking about, as I often do, slowness and

how in slowness in terms of just slowing down, of getting out of the panic mode and the anxiety

mode that we're all in all the time, being reactive and mindless and just calming down, you know, lowering the vibe in a positive way.

I should say relaxing it. And as I was thinking about that and just the general utility of that and how I could, where I can do even more of that in my day to day, I was thinking about the opposite, I was thinking about why don't people seek to do that?

Why are people tense and wound up and reactive and anxious and panicky and going on autopilot?

And what's something that came up for me was that it's a, it's a way to try and

control things. Because if you're always touching life, even from a place of scarcity and fear,

if you're always, you know, hitting your email, if you're always socializing, if you're always researching or hitting your email if you're always socializing if you're always

researching or looking at something on the internet if you're always doing this if you're

always working all the time you know if you're always just always on you're planning

things you're strategizing you know just always just always doing, doing, doing, doing, instead of being, being, being, being.

If you're always on like that, then you're trying to like maintain the your universe.

You're trying to have as many touch points as possible to make it to where you're controlling the

outcomes of things. And it's that panic, that intensity that makes one feel like they are safe in a strange way. Because if you are controlling as many things

as possible, if you're there engaging with as much as you can, then there'll be a sense of

kind of having eyes everywhere, having hands everywhere.

And if you're doing, the more you do that, the more you can control, and the more you can

control your life and everything in it, then the more safety you have so that hypothetically

you won't feel any fear.

But the irony, of course, is that all you feel the entire time is fear,

because you're scared of not being able to do enough,

because you are scared of not being in control,

...