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The SelfWork Podcast

323 SelfWork: When You Struggle With Intimacy: What Does Your Attachment Style Have to Do With It?

The SelfWork Podcast

Margaret Robinson Rutherford PhD

Education, Health & Fitness, Mental Health, Self-improvement

4.81.3K Ratings

🗓️ 3 February 2023

⏱️ 27 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Seeming coincidences happen to me often, and again this week, something synergistic got my attention. First, I listened to the Invisibilia podcast where they actually featured another NPR podcast, a show called Life Kit. Dr. Amir Levine was interviewed, who’s an expert on attachment theory – and he spoke on how your attachment style can help and/or hinder you from being able to achieve emotional intimacy. At the same time, I received a deeply thought-out question in an email from a listener who was trying to figure out how her identification with perfectly hidden depression and a struggle with intimacy were connected. She stated that she had what’s called an “anxious avoidant” attachment style… So that pointed me to the very episode you’re going to hear today as we focus in February on relationships.

We'll cover the four different types of attachment styles, and how they are created in childhood.  As an adult, they influence what you seek in relationship, what you’re comfortable or secure with and what you’re not. But your style can also change - and that's what we'll focus on... what you can do about it.  You can also click on a link to a questionnaire in your show notes that’s free and you can determine what your own attachment style is currently!

Here's the link to the attachment questionnaire!  Click this link!

The featured email questions for today are also about PHD – one is how to talk about it with a therapist that you’re beginning to see – the second, “How do I know if my work on it is making a difference?” Great questions.

Other Vital Links: 

Mark Manson  on attachment styles

Start fresh in 2023! BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression, which is coming out in the spring in German, is available and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it's available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook!

And send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

 

 

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Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0

This is Selfwork, and I'm Dr. Margaret Rutherford.

0:14.1

At Selfwork, we'll discuss psychological and emotional issues common in today's world

0:19.0

and what to do about them.

0:20.4

I'm Dr. Margaret, and Selfwork is a podcast dedicated to you taking just a few minutes today

0:26.2

for your own Selfwork.

0:29.8

Hello, and welcome, or welcome back to Selfwork.

0:32.6

I'm Dr. Margaret Rutherford.

0:33.8

I'm a clinical psychologist, and I started this podcast six years ago to extend the walls

0:38.9

of my practice to those of you who might already be in therapy and really enjoying learning

0:44.4

more about psychological and emotional issues to those of you who might just have been diagnosed

0:49.4

or maybe you're having a relationship problem that you're struggling with,

0:52.4

but also to those of you who might really be skeptical about therapy and especially

0:57.0

therapist and not quite know whether or not you think it's a bunch of baloney.

1:03.3

So I'm here to help you with that decision, and you can let me know what you think.

1:08.9

But I'm glad all of you are here.

1:11.5

It's February, and a month that for some is dreaded because right in the middle of it

1:15.7

is Valentine's Day.

1:17.3

I wasn't sure if it was celebrated worldwide, so I looked it up.

1:20.8

In the United Kingdom, anonymous Valentine's are sent dating back to the Victorian era.

1:25.9

It was a Saint-Dwynens Day that celebrated in Wales on January the 25th, where the gift

1:31.4

is a hand-carved wooden spoon, which is, to me, a lot more pragmatic than a box of candy,

1:36.4

frankly.

...

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