316: Michael Is Going to Regret This
Stiff Socks
Trevor Wallace and Michael Blaustein | Audioboom Studios
4.9 • 7.5K Ratings
🗓️ 5 February 2025
⏱️ 102 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
Support the pod and get so much extra content for $5/month at https://www.patreon.com/stiffsockspod
Bonus eps also available on Apple Podcasts! https://www.apple.co/socks
🎙️ Michael's tour dates: https://www.blaucomedy.com
Denver, CO: SOLD OUT
San Antonio, TX: SOLD OUT
Tucson, AZ: Feb 20
Phoenix, AZ: Feb 21-23
San Francisco, CA: Mar 6-8
Huntington, NY: Mar 27
Providence, RI: Mar 28
Boston, MA: SOLD OUT
Houston, TX: Apr 3-4
Dallas, TX: Apr 5
🎙️Trevor's tour dates: https://www.trevorwallacecomedy.com
San Jose, CA: Feb 21-23
Honolulu, HI: Mar 8-9
Vancouver, BC: Mar 13
Seattle, WA: Mar 14
Eugene, OR: Mar 15
Indianapolis, IN: Mar 21
Detroit, MI: Mar 22
0:00 Trevor’s Mom, Stepdad mid-life crisis, Lost on a milk carton
7:45 Funny non comedians, Selecting flowers, Siamese twins
19:40 Michael’s life changing decision
39:50 Internet temptations, C-men retention, No crank app
52:00 No crank stress relief, Michael’s tour date temptation
1:05:45 It’s only been 4 days
1:15:00 Steroids, Riley Reid, Fake numbers
1:21:49 Fan voicemail - Reverse Lily Phillips
1:26:53 Weird fan voicemail
1:29:06 Sock Talk - Bury me next to Victor Noir
1:35:07 Secret Sock Talk - Tasting your own stuff
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Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | Yeah, I feel like I'm inside of a woman's period. Yeah, I just get hard to live leaks now. |
| 0:04.6 | Solfer X. What about Sol for X, X, X. It is crazy to a trench going to be like, you got any G-Ratim movies. |
| 0:12.2 | Dude, my car talks to me and I love it. What? My car will be in? Yeah. Your car talks to you? |
| 0:17.5 | What does it say? It says, hey, whoa, you're looking like you're 5.9. |
| 0:21.2 | What does it actually say? I get it. They can't even see you. It looks over your head. |
| 0:23.9 | I know. It's like, put a phone book underneath your ass so you can see the traffic. |
| 0:27.6 | Dude, when my mom drives, she's five feet, the amount of leg room behind her seat. |
| 0:31.7 | Sorry. She's that small. |
| 0:34.7 | Whoa. I don't like how you said that. My mom's five foot. |
| 0:38.2 | But so like in the car trips growing up, that was like comfort plus. |
| 0:41.7 | Like you wanted to sit behind my mom because she had all the leg room. |
| 0:44.0 | Oh, fuck. |
| 0:45.2 | That was first class because my mom would be all the way scooted up. |
| 0:48.1 | She's like hugging the wheel. |
| 0:49.3 | My dad's six feet. |
| 0:50.3 | So like that side is a little more back but like I would sit behind my mom legroom out the out the wazoo do you have to pay extra for the seat I guess so dude five is your five feet |
| 0:58.6 | that's great yeah did she just did she away from an octopus huh what do you say |
| 1:04.2 | three away from an octopus five feet getting jerked off by an octopus would be insane they would only |
| 1:08.5 | need one half a tentacle oh yeah, yeah. Just use your mouth. |
| 1:11.2 | Do octopus have mouths? |
| 1:12.9 | Well, they have a lot of claws. |
| 1:14.2 | It's actually one of those things you Google and you wish you didn't Google. |
... |
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