316: Michael Is Going to Regret This

Stiff Socks

Trevor Wallace and Michael Blaustein | Audioboom Studios

Stand-up, Comedy

4.8 • 7.3K Ratings

🗓️ 5 February 2025

⏱️ 102 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Watch our Stiff Socks livestream now On Demand: https://www.moment.co/stiffsocks
Support the pod and get so much extra content for $5/month at https://www.patreon.com/stiffsockspod
Bonus eps also available on Apple Podcasts! https://www.apple.co/socks

🎙️ Michael's tour dates: https://www.blaucomedy.com
Denver, CO: SOLD OUT
San Antonio, TX: SOLD OUT
Tucson, AZ: Feb 20
Phoenix, AZ: Feb 21-23
San Francisco, CA: Mar 6-8
Huntington, NY: Mar 27
Providence, RI: Mar 28
Boston, MA: SOLD OUT
Houston, TX: Apr 3-4
Dallas, TX: Apr 5

🎙️Trevor's tour dates: https://www.trevorwallacecomedy.com
San Jose, CA: Feb 21-23
Honolulu, HI: Mar 8-9
Vancouver, BC: Mar 13
Seattle, WA: Mar 14
Eugene, OR: Mar 15
Indianapolis, IN: Mar 21
Detroit, MI: Mar 22

0:00 Trevor’s Mom, Stepdad mid-life crisis, Lost on a milk carton
7:45 Funny non comedians, Selecting flowers, Siamese twins
19:40 Michael’s life changing decision
39:50 Internet temptations, C-men retention, No crank app
52:00 No crank stress relief, Michael’s tour date temptation
1:05:45 It’s only been 4 days
1:15:00 Steroids, Riley Reid, Fake numbers
1:21:49 Fan voicemail - Reverse Lily Phillips
1:26:53 Weird fan voicemail
1:29:06 Sock Talk - Bury me next to Victor Noir
1:35:07 Secret Sock Talk - Tasting your own stuff

Thanks to PrizePicks, 1800 Flowers, BetterHelp, BlueChew, Kikoff

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BetterHelp - This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Visit https://betterhelp.com/socks to get 10% off your first month
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Transcript

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0:00.0	Yeah, I feel like I'm inside of a woman's period. Yeah, I just get hard to live leaks now.
0:04.6	Solfer X. What about Sol for X, X, X. It is crazy to a trench going to be like, you got any G-Ratim movies.
0:12.2	Dude, my car talks to me and I love it. What? My car will be in? Yeah. Your car talks to you?
0:17.5	What does it say? It says, hey, whoa, you're looking like you're 5.9.
0:21.2	What does it actually say? I get it. They can't even see you. It looks over your head.
0:23.9	I know. It's like, put a phone book underneath your ass so you can see the traffic.
0:27.6	Dude, when my mom drives, she's five feet, the amount of leg room behind her seat.
0:31.7	Sorry. She's that small.
0:34.7	Whoa. I don't like how you said that. My mom's five foot.
0:38.2	But so like in the car trips growing up, that was like comfort plus.
0:41.7	Like you wanted to sit behind my mom because she had all the leg room.
0:44.0	Oh, fuck.
0:45.2	That was first class because my mom would be all the way scooted up.
0:48.1	She's like hugging the wheel.
0:49.3	My dad's six feet.
0:50.3	So like that side is a little more back but like I would sit behind my mom legroom out the out the wazoo do you have to pay extra for the seat I guess so dude five is your five feet
0:58.6	that's great yeah did she just did she away from an octopus huh what do you say
1:04.2	three away from an octopus five feet getting jerked off by an octopus would be insane they would only
1:08.5	need one half a tentacle oh yeah, yeah. Just use your mouth.
1:11.2	Do octopus have mouths?
1:12.9	Well, they have a lot of claws.
1:14.2	It's actually one of those things you Google and you wish you didn't Google.
	...

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