My job is to somehow make them curious enough or persuade them by hook or crow to get more aware of themselves and where they came from and what they are into and what is already there.

Just to bring it out. This is what

compels me to compel them. And I will do it by whatever means necessary. Welcome to the Black

Girls Hill podcast where we talk about healing our intimacy disorders and resolve trauma

and building a healthy relationship with first ourselves and then others.

Every episode, we will talk about advice you can apply today to bring unhealthy patterns and grow

in your self-work. I'm Sheena Lachay, love addiction coach and trauma specialist. Let's begin.

Hello, hello. Welcome to the latest episode of Black Girls Heal. Today we are talking about

love avoidance and how they can find love. So love avoidance is a systematic way of putting

up walls to avoid feeling emotionally overwhelmed by people when it comes to being in relationship

with them as a way to create safety, as a way to create distance.

But the thing about love avoidance does not mean that you do not want relationship.

Does not mean that you don't want to be in connection.

What it means is that you don't want to be pained by being those relationships.

You have had experiences, whether or not is childhood trauma, adult relational trauma, or any kind of mixture in between, where when you

have allowed yourself to be open and receptive to people who were supposed to love you,

supposed to take care of you, supposed to attend to you, they ended up leaving you, harming you,

using your sensitivity and your vulnerability against you, or doing something that was

emotionally overwhelming, intense,

intrusive to where now intimate connections are lokiophobia of yours because it can't be

trusted and because of, like I said, the connection to pain, withdrawal, harm, emotional

stress, emotional neglect. And so you have learned how to be more self-reliant

...