3 Ways to Stop Obsessing Over Someone in Early Dating | Rewind
Love Life With Matthew Hussey
Matthew Hussey
4.7 • 3.1K Ratings
🗓️ 6 March 2026
⏱️ 12 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
It’s easy to get swept up by chemistry and start investing in someone before they’ve actually shown they’re committed. When that happens, we don’t just lose perspective… we start obsessing.
In this episode, Matthew breaks down why we spiral in the first few weeks with someone new, and what it really takes to slow down without “playing games.”
Matthew shares 3 practical shifts that help you get your power back when it feels like options are limited and this person is a rare opportunity you can’t lose—so you don’t settle for the wrong one out of urgency.
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Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | I asked people recently on Instagram, what is a mistake or a pattern that you keep making in your |
| 0:11.2 | love life that you want to work on? One person said that she wanted to work on taking things more |
| 0:17.2 | slowly so that she doesn't invest in people before they've shown they actually deserve it. |
| 0:23.6 | I thought I'd spend a bit of time here because this is an incredibly common thing. |
| 0:27.6 | I know I've done it, I'm sure you've done it, you get excited about someone and you rush forward thinking, |
| 0:33.6 | I don't even think we are thinking when we do it necessarily. |
| 0:36.6 | There's just this instinctive, |
| 0:38.2 | I'm excited about this person, I'm excited about what it could be. We start projecting, of course, |
| 0:44.0 | onto that person, all of the value that they could have in our lives, how amazing they are, |
| 0:48.4 | how great the relationship could be or would be. And then we start giving a ton of energy to it. Firstly, is that helpful to do? |
| 0:57.0 | And if we agree that it's not helpful, how do we get ourselves to actually slow down? I would |
| 1:03.0 | argue that it's absolutely not helpful to do that because it shows someone that they don't |
| 1:08.3 | actually have to provide any value or invest in us in order to get all of our value. |
| 1:14.2 | It is a false representation of how great that person is because we probably don't even know them that well yet. |
| 1:21.0 | And it assumes that by speeding up and by investing more, someone will like us more. And that's just not true. |
| 1:29.4 | Investing more in someone does not necessarily make them like us more. In fact, it might make them |
| 1:35.9 | value us less because they start to take for granted just how much energy they're getting from us, |
| 1:42.0 | a time when they're not giving us that much. |
| 1:44.4 | So if it doesn't just not help us, if it can actually hurt us, how do we get ourselves to slow down? |
| 1:50.3 | Slowing down with someone, being someone that another person has to actually earn, is easy |
| 1:56.3 | when we are swimming in options because it feels kind of natural. If we have loads of options, |
| 2:02.8 | then it's easy to assess what is the best option. Who's the option that's giving me the best or |
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