3 Relationship Termites

The Angry Therapist Podcast

John Kim

Mental Health, Health & Fitness

4.6 • 1.1K Ratings

🗓️ 9 October 2023

⏱️ 16 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

In this episode, John talks about three subtle things that can slowly cripple, or end a relationship. He also talks about how to become aware when you're doing these things, and how to not do them to help mend or save your relationship before it's too late.

This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/angry and start building a better relationship with yourself.

Roughly ten minutes of self help in a shot glass. If you're looking for a wine glass, you've come to the wrong place. Marriage family therapist and best-selling author, John Kim, shares his life and love revelations as well as insights from his sessions. He pulls the curtain back and documents his journey as a therapist but more importantly, as a human being.

Meet him at -> https://www.theangrytherapist.com

Join his private communities -> https://theangrytherapist.circle.so/home

Get his daily texts here -> https://www.theangrytherapist.com/text

Transcript

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0:00.0	Hi, my name is John Kim. I'm a therapist who went through his own
0:04.3	rebirth many years ago and I've been documenting my journey ever since sharing my life
0:08.9	lessons and revelations. I believe in casual or clinical with you instead of at you. I come unrehearsed on purpose
0:16.4	because self-help doesn't have to be so complicated.
0:21.9	On today's episode, I'm going to talk about the five relationship termites.
0:28.8	And by termites I mean,, you know what termites do.
0:35.0	They eat the framework of your house until the house is weak and comes crashing down.
0:42.0	Number one, a relationship termite is if you are holding on to things from the past and you're hanging it over the head of your partner or the relationship, like a mistletoe,
0:57.0	things from the past that we're holding on to.
1:01.0	And so it may be something that has happened or something your partner said or how you know it doesn't matter how big or small right it could be everything from infidelity to that one time when you called me a piece of shit during
1:16.6	Thanksgiving. I'm still holding on to it. I'm so angry. Doesn't matter what it is, but if
1:21.8	you are holding onto anything that is creating resentment,
1:28.0	that is going to be a pretty big term, termite, a very hungry termite that may eat at your relationship.
1:38.5	So before I move on, you know, what do we do with this?
1:40.9	What do we do when we have things that we're holding on to?
1:45.6	Well one I also want to validate that it's it's hard to not hold on to things
1:50.8	especially when our partner has hurt us in some way or has betrayed us.
1:57.8	I mean, the ultimate would be infidelity.
2:00.8	Yeah, it's hard to let shit go.
2:02.3	It's hard to forgive. It's hard to move on to be the bigger person, to process, digest, you know. it's really hard to not tie things to our worth and
2:16.2	this is actually why I think we hold on to things. Yes, the behavior or words hurt us, of course, and we may not have said anything because we're
2:29.2	used to not rocking the boat.
	...

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