You're listening to On attachment, a place to learn about how attachment shapes the way we experience relationships and where you'll gain the guidance, knowledge and practical tools to

overcome insecurity and build healthy thriving relationships. I'm your host,

relationship coach Stephanie Rigg and I'm really glad you're here.

Hey everybody, welcome back to another episode of on attachment in today's episode we're

talking about three fights that you've probably had if you're in an anxious

avoidant relationship if you've been in an anxious avoidant relationship in the past or indeed if you embark upon a relationship in the future with an anxious

Avoidant dynamic you're likely to have some version of these conflicts so for anyone who is new here who's uninitiated in this

language, when I say an anxious-avoidant relationship, I'm referring to a relationship between

someone who leans more anxious in their attachment style and someone who leans more anxious in their attachment style and

someone who leans more avoidant in their attachment style. This is a very

very common pairing it's very common for people with these attachment styles to be

drawn to each other and yet there can be a lot of

challenges in that dynamic because on the surface at least your attachment needs and wounds

tend to sit at opposite ends of the spectrum and it's really easy if you're not conscious and not aware to just trigger the hell out of each other and you know for each of your habitual responses to reinforce the other person's fears and

insecurities and thereby really embolden them in their protective mechanisms

their protective stances and on and on and on it goes so today's episode is really about I suppose normalizing some of these

conflicts that you've likely had if you're in your relationship and thinking why does this feel so hard and why do we keep

fighting about these things I'm hoping that you'll feel very seen by today's episode,

particularly by the specificity of some of the examples that I'm going to give. But also I suppose to

peel back the layers in some of these conflicts because the fight is never really

about the thing that you're fighting about.

It's almost always about something deeper, the most symptomatic of some unmet need or some

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