The following is an archive podcast presented by the Branson and Hudson Foundation for Podcast Recovery.

This podcast is entitled The New Tarzan. It is the first and only episode of the podcast. Welcome to episode one.

Deep in the thickets of the Three Pumpkins Rainforest, our expert team of anthropologists, archaeologists, and Disney's Tarzan superfans encountered a wild, uncivilized human

unlike any other, except for, I guess, Tarzan,

but this one had no abs and a big beard.

You could say he was like Robin Williams in Jumanji.

Be that as it may, we were shocked and humbled to discover something

completely unprecedented in the history of anthropology, a Jumanji style Tarzan. We dubbed our

subject the new Tarzan before bringing him back to our lab for experimentation.

All right, I'm actually kind of a double threat here.

I'm a scientist and an anthropologist.

Uh, my name is Schumer Stacks.

I'm here with, uh, that's a blanket term.

Well, yeah, I wouldn't say that all scientists are anthropologists.

You're just specifically an anthropologist.

Yeah, but that makes me a scientist, too.

It's kind of a double threat.

So are you. I mean, you're a Federer. Fettarbolus here. You know, you are a double threat as well. If you won't even though you don't want to admit it. Professor Federer's, please. Oh, you're a triple threat. Mm-hmm. I got my tenure. And this is kind of a double threat right here. This is like a Jumangi style Tarzan. Well, this is a new threat because we've had all kinds of Tarzanes

before.

Oh, yeah.

I mean, we've brought all, we've rescued all kinds of Tarzanes from all around the world,

but we've never seen a Tarzan quite like this.

...