298: We Don’t Do Drugs, We Just Try Things | DIYS w/ Spank Horton
Dam Internet, You Scary!
Patrick Cloud, Tahir Moore
4.9 • 1.1K Ratings
🗓️ 24 April 2025
⏱️ 66 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
What happens when comedian Spank Horton pulls up to Dam Internet, You Scary!? Shirtless birthday parties, wild drug trips, international thirst stories, detachable sea penises, and cows who hate country music. Hosts Tahir Moore and Patrick Cloud go toe-to-toe with Spank in one of the most hilariously unhinged episodes ever.
💥 From talking ketamine to awkward strip club returns, from Brazilian magazine girls to frogs getting divorced for too much rain—this one has it ALL.
🎤 Hosted by: Tahir Moore & Patrick Cloud
🎧 Guest: Spank Horton https://www.instagram.com/spankhorton/
🎥 Produced by: @HippieGoals
📍 Chapters + Timestamps below 👇
📲 Subscribe & hit the bell for more weekly chaos!
🔗 Follow us on socials: @daminternetscary
✂️ Best moments from this episode? COMMENT BELOW!
0:00 - The Freestyle Is Wild Right Away
2:01 - Spank Talks Getting “Fired” by Kevin Hart
4:04 - Kev’s Workout Rules & Phone Calls at 6AM
5:10 - Spank’s Birthday Turn-Up: No Shirt in the Club
7:00 - “Would You Take Your Shirt Off In Church?”
9:00 - Spank’s Freestyle to a Mario Trap Beat
11:10 - Macy’s Catalogs & Magazine Shopping Woes
13:00 - Brazilian Magazine Girls & "Ordering by Name"
15:10 - Beauty in Brazil vs. Getting Kidnapped
17:00 - The Artist Who Drew Himself on Every Drug
20:30 - Ranking Drug Portraits: Weed, Cocaine, Meth
25:00 - Everyone Admits Which Ones They Tried
27:00 - DMT Trips, Hieroglyphics & Lucy-Level Visuals
30:00 - Spank Tries Ketamine—Then Rips His Shirt Off
32:00 - “We Don’t Do Drugs, We Just Try Things”
33:45 - Cows Hate Country Music?!
35:00 - Wagyu Cows Live Better Than Us
36:15 - Women’s Self-Defense Gloves from the 1800s
38:10 - Sea Creatures with Detachable D**ks 🤯
40:00 - Frog Marriage & the Flood It Caused
43:00 - Spank’s Favorite City for Beautiful Women
45:00 - India, Mia Khalifa & Trash City in Egypt
48:00 - Spank’s Chaotic Jamaica Trip w/ 90 People
Transcript
Click on a timestamp to play from that location
| 0:00.0 | Spangue, what's up, man? |
| 0:01.7 | Let's stand on some couches. |
| 0:02.8 | Hold on, wait. |
| 0:03.3 | Hey, Spank, look. |
| 0:05.7 | What's up? |
| 0:06.2 | Spang? |
| 0:06.5 | I'm ready, baby. |
| 0:07.4 | Usually when you shirt off standing on something, you don't remember that night. |
| 0:10.2 | Right. |
| 0:10.6 | So I appreciate the fact that you was still locked in. |
| 0:12.6 | I still remember. |
| 0:13.3 | I still remember. |
| 0:13.6 | You know, the funnest thing. |
| 0:15.0 | You can, no, the joke's over. back. He got comfortable. He put the hat on, so what are we doing next? |
| 0:21.3 | That's the only fans. |
| 0:22.7 | Yeah, you got to air the BTS. |
| 0:24.7 | Come on. |
| 0:25.3 | And niggas with waves will be players to the day that they die. |
| 0:30.1 | Spain don't go settle down until he start losing his head. |
| 0:33.3 | But as long as he got a strong hairline, this nigger is for the streets. |
| 0:38.5 | You got a point. |
| 0:39.5 | You got a point. |
... |
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