#285: 3 Mistakes Love Avoidants Make in Dating

Black Girls Heal

Shena Lashey

Self-improvement, Education, Mental Health, Health & Fitness

4.8 • 1.7K Ratings

🗓️ 25 March 2025

⏱️ 38 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Is your fear of intimacy keeping you from the love you want?

In this episode of Black Girls Heal, we’re diving deep into love avoidance—what it is, how it shows up, and the mistakes that keep us from building healthy, connected relationships. If you find yourself pulling away when things get too good, struggling to be vulnerable, or avoiding dating altogether, you’re not alone. These patterns often come from past trauma and a desire to protect ourselves, but they can also block the very intimacy we’re craving.

Whether you’re just starting to explore this part of your healing or you’ve been working on it for a while, this episode offers real talk and real tools to support your journey.

In this episode, we cover…

02:43 The most common mistakes love avoidants make in relationships
05:35 How trauma creates defense mechanisms that block intimacy
14:59 Mistake #1: Getting spooked when things are going well
23:20 Mistake #2: Struggling to be emotionally vulnerable
30:07 Mistake #3: Avoiding dating altogether
36:25 Final reflections and steps to move forward

Resources mentioned in the episode:

Episode 284: 3 Dating Mistakes to Avoid As A Love Addict: https://www.blackgirlsheal.org/podcast/284-dating-mistakes
How to Pick Partners for Love Addicts book: blackgirlsheal.org/books
Ready to heal your Love Addiction & Love Avoidance? Join The Recovery School, my signature coaching program to help you become love balanced, love available, and fulfilled: blackgirlsheal.org/love-addiction-recovery
Can’t find a program, freebie, or event mentioned in the podcast? Find the upgraded versions of previously announced programs and their replacements: blackgirlsheal.org/retired

Connect with us:

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Transcript

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0:00.0	My job is to somehow make them curious enough
0:10.0	or persuade them by hook or crow to get more aware of themselves
0:16.0	and where they came from and what they are into and what is already there
0:20.0	is to bring it out. This is what
0:22.1	compels me to compel them. And I will do it by whatever means necessary. Welcome to the Black
0:30.2	Girls Hill podcast where we talk about healing our intimacy disorders and resolve trauma
0:35.0	and building a healthy relationship with first ourselves and then
0:38.6	others. Every episode, we will talk about advice you can apply today to break unhealthy patterns
0:44.4	and grow in your self-worth. I'm Sheena Lachay, love addiction coach and trauma specialist.
0:50.0	Let's begin. Hello, hello, and welcome to the latest episode of Black Girls Heal. I'm so happy to be with you
0:57.8	again this week. This week, we are talking about three mistakes for a love avoidance to
1:05.3	avoid when they are dating or three common mistakes that love avoidance make. Last week we talked about mistakes that love addicts make, and this week we're talking about
1:15.5	love avoidance.
1:16.9	Please pardon any wiggily sounds in my voice more than normal.
1:23.6	I am caught with something.
1:25.7	I don't know if it's allergies.
1:27.2	I don't know if it's the size of something more.
1:29.8	It hasn't really progressed, but I've been really congested and a little bit coffee, but all the pollen signs are there.
1:37.1	So I might stumble through this a little bit, but we'll screen it up in post editing.
1:42.3	So why is this something that is important to know? Because
1:47.3	sometimes we can be our own worst enemy when it comes to getting closer to people. Sometimes as
1:52.7	love avoidance, we can mistake our keen sense of discernment and analyzing and pattern recognition
	...

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