#279: Why You Feel Shame When Your Spouse Cheats
Java with Juli - Making Sense of God and Sex
Authentic Intimacy®
4.9 • 1.7K Ratings
🗓️ 29 October 2019
⏱️ 42 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
A betrayed spouse often feels as much (or more) shame as their partner. In this episode Juli welcomes Dr. Sheri Keffer, therapist and co-host of New Life Live, to share her personal story about the impact of shame on our minds and bodies when we discover we've been betrayed by the person who is supposed to love us most. Join us to hear where to find help, what healthy boundaries look like, and how to begin to rebuild trust and intimacy in your marriage.
Guest: Dr. Sheri Keffer
Mentioned:
- Sheri's book, Intimate Deception
- Learn more about Sheri's workshops
- Find a Specialist Near You
- Surprised by the Healer
Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | Hi, this is Jonathan Dardy with Be Broken Ministries, and I'm so excited about the Reclaim Conference |
| 0:05.1 | coming up October 4th and 5th. I'm going to be there to share a little bit of my story and also do a |
| 0:10.1 | breakout session, and I would love for you to join us, so please come to the Reclaim Conference, |
| 0:14.7 | October 4th and 5th. |
| 0:19.5 | Hey there, I'm Julie Slatery, and you're listening to Java with Julie. This podcast is an outreach of authentic intimacy, a ministry dedicated to reclaiming God's design for sexuality. Today I'm talking with Dr. Sherry Kefer. Sherry is a marriage and family therapist and a regular co-host on the nationally syndicated talk show, New Life Live. |
| 0:40.8 | Sherry recently wrote a book called Intimate Deception, and it was born out of her own story of being married to a man who betrayed her by using pornography and having several affairs. |
| 0:51.2 | So since this is a journey that Sherry has walked through personally, she knows firsthand |
| 0:55.6 | how being sexually betrayed by your spouse can create an immense amount of shame and confusion. |
| 1:02.0 | In this episode, Sherry and I will talk about how that shame impacts us, even when you're not |
| 1:07.2 | the one who cheated. How being sexually betrayed actually is a trauma that can lead to anxiety and fear in future |
| 1:13.9 | relationships. |
| 1:15.3 | How do you set healthy boundaries and create a safe place to heal and rebuild trust? |
| 1:20.5 | And how much should be shared about a sexual offense? |
| 1:23.5 | Are details important or are they harmful? |
| 1:26.1 | And then finally, how do you begin to rebuild intimacy after sexual betrayal? |
| 1:31.4 | So let's jump into my conversation with Dr. Sherry Kefer. |
| 1:38.8 | Well, Sherry, I'm so thankful that you are tackling one of the most difficult topics that we have to face today. |
| 1:45.6 | And you're tackling it not just as a professional, which you are. And you have so much |
| 1:50.7 | education and information behind you, but also you're sharing your own story of having walk |
| 1:57.0 | through betrayal. Is that kind of what led you into saying, hey, I really want to get a |
| 2:01.9 | greater understanding on how to help people? You know what? It's what I affectionately call my |
| 2:06.5 | do over phase, Julie. And a do over phase is not ever something you want, right? It actually |
... |
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