249. Understanding and Healing the Two Sides of Shame with Kat
Overcome Pornography for Good
Sara Brewer
4.9 • 730 Ratings
🗓️ 27 October 2025
⏱️ 19 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
Shame is one of the biggest barriers to change, but what if understanding where it comes from could help you finally release it? We often see shame as something that lives only inside of us, but it actually has two sides: the external messages we’ve absorbed from the world around us, and the internalized beliefs that shape how we see ourselves.
In this episode, coach Kat Jenkins explores how these two layers of shame work together to keep you stuck in cycles of disconnection and self-criticism. You’ll hear practical ways to start releasing shame by questioning where it came from, choosing what to let go of, and learning to respond with compassion instead of criticism. Kat also shares somatic tools to help calm your body when shame arises so you can feel grounded, safe, and open to connection again.
Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://centerforovercoming.com/post/understanding-healing-two-sides-shame-kat
Click here to sign up for my free masterclass, How to Overcome Pornography without using Willpower: https://sarabrewer.com/masterclass
Mentioned in this episode:
FREE TRAINING on June 11: Everything You Were Taught About Quitting Porn Kept You Trapped
Everything You Were Taught About Quitting Porn Kept You Trapped - Once you see why, you can finally break the cycle and feel free again. Free Live Q&A with Sara Brewer. When: June 11th, 2026 – 6:00pm MDT Register here: https://overcome-pornography-for-good.captivate.fm/liveclass
Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | You are listening to the Overcome Pornography for Good podcast, episode 249. |
| 0:06.2 | Welcome to the Overcome Pornography for Good podcast where we take a research-based, trauma-informed, and results-focused approach to quitting porn. |
| 0:17.0 | This approach has been revolutionary and changed thousands and thousands of lives. I'm your host, |
| 0:23.4 | Sarah Brewer. Hey, welcome to the podcast, overcome pornography for good. I'm Kat Jenkins. I am going to |
| 0:33.3 | share with you some things today about shame. I know we've talked a lot about shame on the podcast. Sarah |
| 0:39.5 | has shared many things about it. And it's one of the first things we talk about with our clients. |
| 0:44.4 | One of the first things we typically work through because if we're in shame, it's really hard |
| 0:48.2 | to move forward in any of the other milestones that we talk about in a meaningful way. |
| 0:53.2 | So today we're going to kind of explore |
| 0:54.9 | shame in a little different way. We're going to understand kind of that there's two parts to |
| 1:00.7 | shame. There's shame in terms of this context of shame, this external part, and then there's |
| 1:06.0 | our perception of shame. And so that's we're going to explore today. We're going to explore these |
| 1:10.5 | two sides of shame. And so let's start with talking about shame. And so that's what we're going to explore today. We're going to explore these two sides of |
| 1:11.4 | shame. And so let's start with talking about shame as a context, right? It's like the soil that |
| 1:18.0 | conditioned shame. It's this external thing that's around us that we've been taught. Okay. So it comes |
| 1:23.6 | from things like the family systems. It could come from the culture that we live in. It can come |
| 1:29.2 | from society or religious institutions. Bernay Brown has done a ton of research about shame, |
| 1:34.6 | and she says that shame is a social emotion rooted in fear of disconnection. So understanding that |
| 1:41.7 | there's this context that we've been taught about shame, it teaches us that we want to belong. And if we don't belong, then we feel a lot of shame about who we are, about how we're showing up in the world. Our religious institutions might even teach us to feel shame about how we show up, like, especially in this particular area of porn, right? Like, we do not belong |
| 2:03.3 | if we are viewing porn. And so we feel a lot of shame, right? Because we might feel shunned. |
| 2:08.6 | We're not, we're feeling disconnected. So we have the fear of that. So we've been taught |
| 2:12.7 | to feel shame, right? So this might sound something like these conditional belonging messages that |
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