#249: Conquering the Fear of Being Seen

Black Girls Heal

Shena Lashey

Self-improvement, Education, Mental Health, Health & Fitness

4.8 • 1.7K Ratings

🗓️ 18 June 2024

⏱️ 46 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

In today’s episode, we get into the topic of the fear of being seen, exploring the underlying trauma that leads to avoidance behaviors and vulnerability in relationships.

We discuss the common thoughts, actions, and patterns that arise when individuals struggle with feeling exposed and unworthy. Additionally, we address the impact of childhood trauma, emotional neglect, and exclusion on the development of these fears.

Episode 249 also highlights the symptoms of low self-worth and how they manifest in perfectionism, people-pleasing, and self-abandonment.

In this episode, we cover…

04:04 Common patterns when you have a fear of being seen
04:48 The risk of personal development
07:55 Using perfectionism and people-pleasing as ways to exempt yourself from criticisms
11:09 Self-abandonment as a means to hide yourself
12:09 Making a list of things you're proud of about yourself
13:16 Why being humble is actually quiet confidence
14:47 Why you're afraid of people getting access to you
15:45 The traumas that lead to fear of being seen
21:08 How the fear of being seen manifests for love addicts
25:04 How the fear of being seen manifests for love avoidants
26:45 Disassociating to keep yourself safe
31:28 How to work on your fear of being seen

Resources mentioned in the episode:

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Listen to Episode 163: How Childhood Emotional Neglect Leads to Love Addiction
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Transcript

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0:00.0	My job is to somehow make them curious enough or persuade them by Hooker Crow to get more aware of themselves and where they came from and what they are into and what is already there just to bring it out.
0:21.0	This is what compels me to compel them and I will do it by whatever
0:26.4	means necessary.
0:28.4	Welcome to the Black Girls Hill podcast where we talk about healing our intimacy disorders,
0:34.3	unresolved trauma, and building a healthy relationship with first ourselves, and then
0:38.6	others. Every episode we will talk about advice you can apply today to break unhealthy patterns and
0:44.8	grow in your self-worth. I'm She Nelachee Love Edition coach and trauma specialist.
0:50.0	Let's begin.
0:58.0	Hello, hello and welcome to the latest episode of Black Girls Heel. I'm sending you all so much love wherever you are.
1:01.2	And I pray that you're surrounded by people, situations, connections and
1:05.4	settings that give you the love, provision, protection that you deserve and that
1:10.0	most of all you are learning how to give that to yourself. So you can probably see by the title today's
1:16.4	episode we are talking about the fear of being seen and so we are talking about the trauma that comes into play when we do a lot to avoid being perceived by others where it feels threatening to have folks pay attention to us.
1:31.2	It feels very vulnerable. It feels very exposing and also very dangerous to us.
1:36.8	And it's very hard to balance having this as a traumatic response.
1:41.0	We also so desperately want to be loved, when you so desperately want to be in community, to be in connection, to be in partnership, but also there is these conflicting thoughts and feelings around, is it safe for other people to truly see who I am?
1:55.4	Would they even want me if they saw me?
1:57.8	What if I step out and I start to get attention
2:01.0	and all of my deepest fears about my worth and what I deserve and
2:04.3	everything else proves to be true. What if I get left at the end? What if I've never
2:08.8	been good enough? And so I'm kind of getting into a few of the thoughts that happen for those of us who have the fear being seen.
2:16.0	After the jump, I'm going to talk about what this looks like.
	...

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