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The Psychology of your 20s

247. Can we be friends with our ex?

The Psychology of your 20s

iHeartPodcasts

Mental Health, Self-improvement, Fitness, Education, Relationships, Science, Social Sciences, How To, Society & Culture, Health & Fitness

4.91.3K Ratings

🗓️ 12 November 2024

⏱️ 41 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

A lot of us try to convince ourselves we can be friends with our ex in the immediate aftermath of a breakup, but is that necesserily the best idea? In 2022 I did an episode with my ex-boyfriend talking about how a friendship was totally possible, well since then it is obvious to say that I have changed my mind, and in this episode I give my reasons, including: 

  • Why we (mistakedly) try to stay friends with our exes 
  • The types of relationships where this feels possible 
  • The consequences 
  • How it impacts our new relationships, self esteem, and ability to find closure
  • How to be friends with an ex if you MUST BE 
  • Essential boundaries for a friendship with your ex

This episode is the only time I have redone/revised an episode so we hope you enjoy. 

 

PREORDER MY BOOK: https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/755841/person-in-progress-by-jemma-sbeg/ 

Follow Jemma on Instagram: @jemmasbeg

Follow the podcast on Instagram: @thatpsychologypodcast

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The Psychology of your 20s is not a substitute for professional mental health help. If you are struggling, distressed or require personalised advice, please reach out to your doctor. 

 

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0

Hello everybody. Welcome back to the show. Welcome back to the podcast. New listeners, old listeners,

0:06.8

wherever you are in the world. It is so great to have you here back for another episode as we of

0:12.8

course break down the psychology of our 20s. It is great to have you here for a very special topic in my mind.

0:22.3

Two years ago, I did an episode on whether X's could be friends.

0:28.3

And during that episode, I brought on my ex-boyfriend.

0:33.5

If you have been around for a while, you probably remember this episode.

0:39.5

And this is the first ever time that I have gone back to an episode from the archives,

0:45.2

back to one that I recorded, you know, almost two years ago and decided to redo it.

0:51.1

Decided to basically say, you know what?

0:53.7

I think that I was wrong I don't think that

0:56.4

what I said in that episode the points that I made are entirely true are mature are actually

1:03.6

what I believe in anymore and so today I want to redo that episode this time without my

1:10.1

ex-boyfriend because we are no longer friends

1:13.1

and we haven't been friends actually since that episode came out. I haven't spoken to him for

1:19.7

since that episode came out and you know I just felt kind of strange to have this episode

1:24.8

on the podcast making these huge claims that it's mature to stay friends

1:30.2

with your ex, that it's possible, like look at us. We've done it when actually the reality of what

1:35.7

happened after that was entirely to the contrary and entirely not true. That episode actually essentially meant that our friendship or whatever it was

1:50.1

ended and I'm not going to go into specific details but it was definitely a lesson for me around

1:57.5

the truth that people are telling you can be a different truth for other people.

2:04.0

Like, they could be telling you one thing and telling other people something different.

2:08.4

And it actually ended up causing me a lot of pain, like the aftermath of that episode.

...

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