247. Can we be friends with our ex?
The Psychology of your 20s
iHeartPodcasts
4.9 • 1.3K Ratings
🗓️ 12 November 2024
⏱️ 41 minutes
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Summary
A lot of us try to convince ourselves we can be friends with our ex in the immediate aftermath of a breakup, but is that necesserily the best idea? In 2022 I did an episode with my ex-boyfriend talking about how a friendship was totally possible, well since then it is obvious to say that I have changed my mind, and in this episode I give my reasons, including:
- Why we (mistakedly) try to stay friends with our exes
- The types of relationships where this feels possible
- The consequences
- How it impacts our new relationships, self esteem, and ability to find closure
- How to be friends with an ex if you MUST BE
- Essential boundaries for a friendship with your ex
This episode is the only time I have redone/revised an episode so we hope you enjoy.
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Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | Hello everybody. Welcome back to the show. Welcome back to the podcast. New listeners, old listeners, |
| 0:06.8 | wherever you are in the world. It is so great to have you here back for another episode as we of |
| 0:12.8 | course break down the psychology of our 20s. It is great to have you here for a very special topic in my mind. |
| 0:22.3 | Two years ago, I did an episode on whether X's could be friends. |
| 0:28.3 | And during that episode, I brought on my ex-boyfriend. |
| 0:33.5 | If you have been around for a while, you probably remember this episode. |
| 0:39.5 | And this is the first ever time that I have gone back to an episode from the archives, |
| 0:45.2 | back to one that I recorded, you know, almost two years ago and decided to redo it. |
| 0:51.1 | Decided to basically say, you know what? |
| 0:53.7 | I think that I was wrong I don't think that |
| 0:56.4 | what I said in that episode the points that I made are entirely true are mature are actually |
| 1:03.6 | what I believe in anymore and so today I want to redo that episode this time without my |
| 1:10.1 | ex-boyfriend because we are no longer friends |
| 1:13.1 | and we haven't been friends actually since that episode came out. I haven't spoken to him for |
| 1:19.7 | since that episode came out and you know I just felt kind of strange to have this episode |
| 1:24.8 | on the podcast making these huge claims that it's mature to stay friends |
| 1:30.2 | with your ex, that it's possible, like look at us. We've done it when actually the reality of what |
| 1:35.7 | happened after that was entirely to the contrary and entirely not true. That episode actually essentially meant that our friendship or whatever it was |
| 1:50.1 | ended and I'm not going to go into specific details but it was definitely a lesson for me around |
| 1:57.5 | the truth that people are telling you can be a different truth for other people. |
| 2:04.0 | Like, they could be telling you one thing and telling other people something different. |
| 2:08.4 | And it actually ended up causing me a lot of pain, like the aftermath of that episode. |
... |
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