246. How Being “Mr. Nice Guy” Is Keeping You Stuck with Jessica
Overcome Pornography for Good
Sara Brewer
4.9 • 730 Ratings
🗓️ 6 October 2025
⏱️ 25 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
Have you noticed that trying to be “Mr. Nice Guy” or constantly people-pleasing can actually keep you stuck? On the surface, it may look like kindness or keeping the peace, but prioritizing others’ approval over your own needs often leads to resentment, disconnection, and the very behaviors you’re trying to overcome.
In this episode, Coach Jessica explores how people-pleasing creates a cycle of self-abandonment disguised as kindness. She shares how to stop managing other people’s feelings, allow for discomfort in relationships, and engage in real, honest conversations that deepen connection.
Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://centerforovercoming.com/post/mr-nice-guy-stuck-jessica
Click here to sign up for my free masterclass, How to Overcome Pornography without using Willpower: https://sarabrewer.com/masterclass
Mentioned in this episode:
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Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | You are listening to the Overcome Pornography for Good podcast, episode 246. |
| 0:06.8 | Welcome to the Overcome Pornography for Good podcast where we take a research-based, trauma-informed, and results-focused approach to quitting porn. |
| 0:17.6 | This approach has been revolutionary and changed thousands and thousands of lives. I'm your |
| 0:23.5 | host, Sarah Brewer. Hey, everyone, welcome to the podcast. I am Jessica Farmer. I'm a coach here at the |
| 0:34.7 | Center for Overcoming Pornography, and I am so excited to be here. So I wanted to talk |
| 0:41.5 | today about how being the Mr. Nice guy is actually keeping you stuck. It's keeping you stuck in |
| 0:48.8 | your pornography use, and it's keeping you stuck in your relationships. And we're going to talk all about it. So one of the |
| 0:57.5 | reasons why I wanted to talk about this today is because I see it come up so often as we're working |
| 1:05.1 | in the program, particularly in our relationship calls. We have two relationship calls each month, one for the partner who |
| 1:14.6 | is struggling with pornography use. And then we also have a call for the partner who isn't |
| 1:19.2 | struggling with pornography use. And this concept, this idea of feeling stuck comes up in both of those calls. It's kind of two sides of the same |
| 1:30.6 | coin. So no matter who you are, if you're the partner that's struggling with pornography use or |
| 1:37.0 | the one who isn't, this episode is going to be for you. Because we're going to talk about how, |
| 1:42.3 | like what's Mr. Nice Guy guy or people pleasing like what that |
| 1:46.5 | actually looks like why it's a problem and then we're going to give you some some really good |
| 1:52.6 | tips on how to how to work past it and to work through it so i wanted to start by by giving an |
| 2:00.4 | example of where this came up recently. |
| 2:04.7 | So the phrase that I hear all the time is, I'm doing this to keep the piece. |
| 2:10.0 | I decided to not bring it up because I wanted to keep the piece. |
| 2:15.8 | And that right there, that phrase, keep the piece, is so sneaky. |
| 2:23.0 | It's so sneaky because it sounds so good. It sounds like, oh, I'm taking the high road. I'm giving up my own |
| 2:32.8 | personal ideas or thoughts in order to make everything more |
... |
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