My job is to somehow make them curious enough or persuade them by Hooker Crow to get more aware of themselves and where they came from and what they are into and what is already there and just to bring it out.

This is what compels me to compel them and I will do it by whatever

means necessary.

Welcome to the Black Girls Hill Podcast, where we talk about healing our intimacy disorders and

resolve trauma and building a healthy relationship with first ourselves and

then others. Every episode we will talk about advice you can apply today to break unhealthy patterns

and grow in your self-worth. I'm She Nila Shay, Love Edition coach and

Trauma Specialist. Let's begin.

Hello, hello and welcome to the latest episode of Black Girls Heel. So on today's episode we're going to be talking about love avoidance.

Love avoidance is the systematic putting up of

walls to avoid feeling emotionally overwhelmed by other people. You can do this with

people who you really love but you're afraid of being vulnerable with. You can do this

with people that you want to get to know but you don't know how to let them in. You can just do this with people at large, just kind of go through life with your walls up. They're hoping people don't ever try to break them down or hoping that people do and they kind of fight for you for a little bit or just really trying to be insular and being your own safe space and the thing about love avoidance is the systematic putting up of walls is

really based a lot in fear and indefensiveness so even when you are perfectly

safe in your little bubble you still never feel safe because you put up the walls because you have felt

Endangered before and so you kind of live your you live your life and this hypervigilance to make sure that no one can take over your life,

no one can intrude upon you, no one can take away your power, no one can do you or make you look

silly or break your heart basically. And so that gets very heavy and that gets very hard,

especially when you meet people that you actually do love and want to let in and to not feel like you always have to be on guard with or fight

with or push them away and sabotage the relationship.

And so love avoidance, even though it can be very functional because it really promotes hyper-independence it can

really get in a way of us having all the different components of the life that we

...