244. Q+A: " Do I Owe My Partner An Orgasm?"

Honeydew Me

Cassandra Anderson

Self-improvement, Education, Sexuality, Health & Fitness

4.8 • 533 Ratings

🗓️ 10 December 2025

⏱️ 42 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

In this week's episode we're answering one of YOUR questions with a combination of expert tips and personal experience. The Question: "I'm a 35yo woman who’s been married to a really good guy for the last seven years. He never pressures me or anything, but every time I don’t want sex, I instantly feel like i’m being a shitty wife. I know that’s some leftover ‘good girl / keep your man happy’ garbage, but the guilt is still really loud. How do I stop feeling like I’m failing him every time I’m not horny?" What We Cover in This Episode: Why you never owe anyone sex. Why consent and desire are required every single time, even in a loving and committed marriage. Where the guilt comes from. How “good girl conditioning” teaches us to prioritize a partner’s pleasure over our own boundaries. Obligation sex vs wanted sex. Why a supportive partner should only want intimacy you are genuinely excited about, not sex given out of pressure. How guilt impacts pleasure and connection. How anxiety, obligation, and performance mindset shut down arousal and make sex feel high stakes. What happens when you keep overriding your no’s. Why ignoring your boundaries leads to resentment, disconnect, and a shrinking desire for sex. Rewriting what it means to be a good partner. Why your value is not based on a penis ejaculating, and how honoring your needs strengthens intimacy. How to support your own desire and autonomy. Tools and mindset shifts to release pressure, protect your no’s, and show up with real desire when it is there. ⁠Learn more about 1:1 coaching HERE!⁠ ⁠Get Honeydew Me Merch HERE!⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠Join our Patreon and access exclusive content HERE! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	Hello, you're a gem shine when the light grows dim. See one, two, three, four, three, two, one. Because no one can do it like we do it, like who we do it, like we do it, like we do it, like we do it. Because no one can do it like we do it, like we do it, like we do it. Like we do it. Sorry, I saw right up your shirt. You did? When you did that. How? Not like to your, not to your breast, but just you're like, well, you know what? I'm going to tease that. Maybe I did. Maybe I didn't. You know what? Maybe I did see full breast I did see full breast. I didn't see full breast.
0:38.3	I haven't heard.
0:39.5	Have you ever heard the word breast used towards you in a sexual way, like a romantic way?
0:45.8	No.
0:46.0	And honestly, whenever my husband has said breast unless it is attached to the word feeding,
0:50.8	it has given me the egg.
0:53.3	Okay.
0:54.0	But how do you want your boobs to be addressed?
0:56.5	Because I also don't like tits.
0:58.2	I know, I don't like tits.
1:00.6	Madame and monsieur.
1:03.2	Yo, Madame and monsieur.
1:11.5	Weeby? Hello?
1:12.8	But that's like, that, that is something that I don't,
1:15.5	I don't know how I would like my boobs to be addressed.
1:18.0	Like, oh, your boobs look good.
1:19.8	I know.
1:20.4	Bobs look great.
1:21.2	Juvenile.
1:22.1	Tits feels objectifying and breasts is disgusting.
1:26.3	Like, let me...
1:28.1	Your fun bags.
	...

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