245. What’s Actually Happening When Sex Is Painful? (with a Pelvic Health PT)

Honeydew Me

Cassandra Anderson

Self-improvement, Education, Sexuality, Health & Fitness

4.8 • 533 Ratings

🗓️ 10 December 2025

⏱️ 61 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Painful sex is common, but it’s not normal and it’s definitely not something you just have to live with. In this episode, we’re joined by Kristen Damery, a pelvic health physical therapist and the founder of Lava lube, to break down what’s actually happening in the body when sex hurts. We talk about muscles, nerves, lubrication, stress, and why so many people are dismissed or misunderstood when they bring this up to doctors. We Cover: Why painful sex is so often misunderstood. Kristen explains why pain during sex is frequently minimized, misdiagnosed, or written off as “normal.” What’s actually happening in the pelvic floor. How tension, weakness, and coordination issues can all contribute to pain. The role of the nervous system in sexual pain. Why stress, anxiety, and anticipation can cause the body to brace before penetration even happens. Different types of pain and what they can mean. Burning, stabbing, pressure, dryness, or deep pain and why the type of pain matters. Why lubrication alone isn’t always the solution. How dryness, friction, tissue health, and muscle response all interact. How pelvic PT helps retrain the body. What pelvic health physical therapy actually looks like and how it supports healing, comfort, and confidence. Why pain during sex is not a personal failure. How shame and self-blame make symptoms worse and why pain is a body signal, not a flaw. When to seek support and what to ask for. How to advocate for yourself and find providers who actually understand pelvic pain. Tools to support comfort and pleasure. Kristen shares practical tips for reducing pain, improving lubrication, and making sex feel safer and more enjoyable. Get Lava for 25% off with code DEWME! Follow Lave on Instagram! ⁠Learn more about 1:1 coaching HERE!⁠⁠ ⁠⁠Get Honeydew Me Merch HERE!⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠Join our Patreon and access exclusive content HERE! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	Hello, you're a gem shine when the light grows dim.
0:04.3	See one, two, three, four, three, two, one.
0:08.0	Because no one can do it like we do it, like who we do it, like we do it, like we do it, like we do it.
0:15.0	Hello and welcome to Honeyduty, Doobie podcast. I am Emma Norman, just one of the hosts. There too.
0:24.4	And I'm Cass. I'm the other one. And this is our podcast where we talk about sex, relationships,
0:29.2	mental health, all the things that I think we tend to feel really alone in when something goes
0:33.4	wrong or it doesn't go the way we think it's quote unquote supposed to. But here's the thing,
0:39.5	chickadee. You're not alone. We're right there with you. And we know for a fact that thousands,
0:45.7	if not hundreds of thousands of other people are also in that exact same situation. And so this is a
0:50.5	space for all of us to connect, support each other by way of us talking at you,
0:56.1	which is our favorite way to connect with people.
0:59.3	Absolutely.
1:00.2	I was thinking about this while I was going to the restroom in between our meetings.
1:05.6	I consider myself an introvert.
1:09.4	And after having interviews with people or our meetings with our clients, I find myself
1:15.9	sillier, in a better mood, and more jazzed for the day.
1:21.4	And so I think I have extrovert tendencies.
1:24.9	By that, meaning I love to talk at you and talk with you. Can I reflect something back to you?
1:30.2	Give me it. You're not an introvert. I 100% am. Can you let me finish? Sorry, you're right. I am a
1:39.3	talker over. A classic extrovert tendency.
1:44.9	Just kidding.
1:45.5	I have no idea.
	...

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