24: Butt Stuff Dragon (The Testament of Solomon)

Apocrypals

Chris Sims

Comedy, History

4.9 • 650 Ratings

🗓️ 29 October 2018

⏱️ 97 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Get ready for HAINTS AND SAINTS, Theophiloi! It's Halloween and things are getting wild spooky up in here as we diver into the testament of Solomon, a very wise man who likes two things: glorifying God and forcing demons to do menial labor. Meet several new costume options that you certainly won't have to spend all night explaining, including Ornias, Beelzeboul, Onoskelis, Astaroth, the 36 Elements of the Cosmic Ruler of the Darkness, our old pal Asmodeus, and Pteradrakun, who... well, you see the title of the episode, right? Plus: Solomon invents capitalism!

Topics of discussion: Benito explains himself, JC Go!, the Da Vinci Coders, St. Aspren, another preview of First Enoch, our plans for a purely hypothetical live show, MTV's Next, lacunae and vox nihili, The Lord Sabaoth, the Pentalpha, Slam Evil!, live-streaming a Hell House, Benito's favorite Ancient Greek words, continuity with Tobit, a numerology lesson about 644, "I Am Error," a LOT of Hellboy talk, Hello the Hellhound, a solid Mary Marvel pitch.

Hymnal: The Monster Mash by Bobby "Boris" Pickett

Offertory: If you enjoy the show, head to ko-fi.com/apocrypals and send us a love offering! We absolutely appreciate it!

Transcript

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0:00.0	Take, O Solomon King, the gift which the Lord has sent thee, the highest sabayeth.
0:05.3	With it, thou shalt lock up all demons of the earth, male and female, and with their help, thou shalt build up Jerusalem.
0:12.4	The Testament of Solomon, verse 5.
0:14.6	And suddenly, to my surprise, he did the match. He did the monster match.
0:22.8	It was a graveyard smash.
0:24.9	He did the match.
0:26.3	It got on in a flag.
0:28.3	He did the match.
0:29.9	He did the monster match.
0:31.7	From my laboratory in the car.
0:34.1	Hello, everyone.
0:35.3	And welcome to Apocry Pals.
0:37.1	It's the podcast where two non-believers read through the Bible and we try not to be jerks about it.
0:41.4	My name is Chris Sims and with me as always is the other set of footprints Benito Serino.
0:45.5	Benito, how are you today?
0:48.2	Very spooky.
0:56.6	Yes, happy Halloween.
0:59.3	Happy Halloween to you as well.
1:01.8	Blessed all Hallows Eve.
1:03.4	Very, very true.
1:05.0	It is Halloween times, everybody.
1:08.0	It is the time of haints, the time of spookums.
	...

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