Hey everybody, welcome back to another episode of On Attachment.

In today's Ask Steff episode, I'm answering the question of struggling with separation

anxiety when my partner is out of town for work.

I usually feel pretty secure in the relationship, but when he's out of town, I really spiral

into anxiety and have a really hard time with it.

What do I do? So this is very,

very common. Separation anxiety for people with anxious attachment patterns is a really key

piece in the blueprint. And for most people who lean towards anxious attachment patterns,

physical separation, a sense that I can't reach you and I don't know where you are.

I don't have immediate reassurance that everything is okay, that we are connected, that everything

is as it should be.

That can be really triggering.

And, you know, if we go back to the origins of anxious attachment, typically in childhood, the impression that we get is,

you know, I feel really good when we're connected, but I don't know whether you'll be there when I need you,

this sense of connection being like a positive thing but an unreliable thing.

And so children with anxious attachment patterns will often experience separation

anxiety. They don't want to let a parent go because there's this sense of, I'm only okay when

you're here. But if you're not here and something bad happens, I'm going to be alone, I'm going to be

abandoned, I'm going to be terrified. You know, we can almost have that energy of like a child that gets lost in a shopping

centre, just panicking, needing the reassurance of seeing our parent and going, oh my God,

thank God, I'm okay.

And we can carry that same feeling tone through to our adult relationships without really

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