#235: What Attachment Theory Does (& Does Not) Explain
On Attachment
Stephanie Rigg
4.9 • 1.2K Ratings
🗓️ 24 February 2026
⏱️ 16 minutes
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Summary
Attachment theory has become a widely used framework for understanding relationship patterns — but it’s often misunderstood, overextended, or treated as a complete explanation for human behaviour.
In this episode, I revisit the foundations of attachment theory to clarify what attachment is actually designed to explain, what attachment styles describe, and where the limits of the framework are. This is a back-to-basics conversation intended to bring nuance and accuracy to how we use attachment language — especially in romantic relationships.
In this episode, I cover:
- What attachment styles are really describing: relational stress and our habitual responses to it
- Why attachment styles are not fixed, mutually exclusive categories — and how spectrums work in practice
- How attachment patterns are contextually responsive and can shift across different relationships
- What attachment theory explains — and what it was never meant to explain
- How our attachment blueprint shapes our internal working model, even beyond close relationships
- Why attachment is best used as a tool, not a totalising explanation for yourself or others
If you’ve ever felt confused, boxed in by attachment labels, or frustrated by how attachment theory is used online, this episode offers a clearer and more grounded way of thinking about it.
Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | Hey everybody, welcome back to another episode of On Attachment. In today's episode, we are taking |
| 0:05.3 | it back to basics a little and talking about what attachment theory does and doesn't explain. |
| 0:10.8 | So while today's episode is somewhat foundational in nature and will be familiar for some of you, |
| 0:16.4 | I think it's a really important reminder of how to use attachment theory in the way that it's |
| 0:22.8 | intended because I think that given the huge upswing in popularity of attachment, it really |
| 0:29.5 | gets thrown around a lot and that's wonderful because it's obviously a framework that can help |
| 0:34.4 | us to really understand ourselves and the people that we're in relationship with. |
| 0:39.9 | And it's ultimately a really hopeful framework because as we'll talk about, attachment theory |
| 0:45.0 | tells us that we can develop healthier blueprints and ultimately work our way towards |
| 0:51.0 | secure attachment, even if that wasn't our starting point. I think it's |
| 0:54.3 | equally important that we have a clear grounding in the nuances of the attachment framework, |
| 1:00.9 | understanding what it's designed to do, what it isn't, and making sure that we're really engaging |
| 1:06.4 | thoughtfully with this body of work. Before we get into today's conversation, I wanted to let you know |
| 1:12.3 | that I have released a brand new attachment quiz on my website. I used to have one years and years ago, |
| 1:18.4 | and then I took it down and now I've created a brand new one along with a brand new free resource |
| 1:23.8 | called the Ultimate Guide to Attachment, which is a 30-page document detailing a lot of |
| 1:29.6 | what we'll talk about today, foundational principles of attachment theory, but also going |
| 1:33.6 | into some depth around each attachment style, the origins, how it can manifest and what the growth |
| 1:40.2 | edge is for each of the four attachment styles. So it's a really great document and you can get |
| 1:46.3 | that by taking the short quiz and obviously the quiz itself is designed to give you more insight |
| 1:51.2 | into your own attachment patterns and it'll give you not only a primary attachment style but a |
| 1:56.0 | breakdown of your results. So you can see you might be 70% anxious attachment, 20% fearful avoidant |
... |
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