228. Perfectionism

Overcome Pornography for Good

Sara Brewer

Christianity, Sexuality, Religion & Spirituality, Health & Fitness

5 • 679 Ratings

🗓️ 2 June 2025

⏱️ 14 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Are you a high achiever trying to do everything right? I dive deep into perfectionism today - not as a badge of honor, but as a core fear of not being enough that often masquerades as discipline and drive. As a perfectionist myself, I understand how this mindset can both motivate and harm us in our journey toward healing and growth.

This episode explores how perfectionism acts as a form of self-protection rather than self-improvement. I examine the ways our inner oppressor develops from external voices we internalized growing up, whether from parents, school systems, or traumatic experiences that made us feel unsafe making mistakes.

Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://centerforovercoming.com/post/perfectionism

If you’re ready to do this work and start practicing unconditional commitment towards quitting your porn habit, sign up to work with Sara: https://www.sarabrewer.com/workwithme

Transcript

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0:00.0	You're listening to the Overcome Pornography for Good podcast, episode 228, perfectionism.
0:08.4	Welcome to the Overcome Pornography for Good podcast where we take a research-based, trauma-informed,
0:15.5	and results-focused approach to quitting porn. This approach has been revolutionary and changed thousands and thousands of
0:23.8	lives. I'm your host, Sarah Brewer. Hey everyone, welcome to today's podcast episode. I am excited to
0:33.8	talk about perfectionism with you all today. First of all, let's acknowledge all of you high
0:40.2	achievers and deeply caring listeners who are trying so hard to get everything right and trying to do things the right way and trying to do things perfectly. I am one of you. And so as I'm speaking to you today, I'm speaking to me.
0:56.7	But I want to share some things around perfectionism that hopefully helps us shift the way
1:02.3	that we're thinking about it so that we can become even more whole and more authentic
1:08.9	and more at peace and keep these beautiful things about us and start to
1:14.5	melt away some of the things that are harming us, even if we're not quite aware of them.
1:18.7	So let's start about talking about perfectionism. Sometimes some of us wear this like a badge of
1:24.0	honor. Yes, I'm a perfectionist. Yes, I'm a perfectionist. Yes, I have high standards of
1:29.6	living and I want to do things the very best I can. But here's the thing. Perfectionism really is not
1:36.2	high standards. Perfectionism at its core is this deep fear of not being enough. And so sometimes it disguises itself as discipline and drive
1:48.9	and excellence. And yes, I'm a perfectionist. Yes, I'm disciplined. Yes, I have a lot of drive.
1:55.2	But the reality is, is we get deeper and deeper to perfectionism and look at how it's really
1:59.7	showing up for us,
2:01.3	is that perfectionism isn't self-improvement, it's self-protection.
2:06.9	Not 100% sure who to attribute this quote to, but I think it's Keniel Thomas.
2:11.7	This idea that if I'm perfect, I won't be rejected.
2:16.3	Perfectionism is about self-protection and protecting yourself. That could be,
2:21.0	you know, protection from other people and how you're afraid of other people accepting you or how you're
	...

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