#224: I Drunk Texted My Ex and Feel So Much Shame — Help! (Ask Steph)
On Attachment
Stephanie Rigg
4.9 • 1.2K Ratings
🗓️ 15 January 2026
⏱️ 6 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
In this Ask Steph episode, I’m answering a listener question that many people can relate to: drunk texting an ex, waking up full of shame, and not knowing what to do next.
I talk about why this happens, especially in the aftermath of a breakup when loneliness, lowered inhibitions, and longing collide — and why beating yourself up afterwards only makes things worse.
I explore how to respond in a grounded way, including whether you need to follow up with your ex at all, how to keep it simple if you do, and why the real work isn’t undoing the message but making sure you don’t end up in the same position again.
This episode focuses on creating practical guardrails — around drinking, contact, and temptation — so you’re not relying on willpower alone when you’re in a tender place. I also talk about how learning from moments like this, rather than spiralling in shame, is a powerful way to rebuild self-trust, self-respect, and self-worth after a breakup.
If you’re feeling embarrassed or disappointed in yourself right now, you’re not alone — and you’re not beyond repair. I hope this episode helps you meet yourself with compassion while still supporting yourself to make better choices next time.
Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | Hey everybody, welcome back to another episode of On Attachment. Today's episode is an Ask |
| 0:04.7 | Steph where I answer a listener question and this one is, I drunk texted my ex and I feel so |
| 0:11.5 | much shame. Help. What do I do? Okay, so deep breath. First acknowledge that you're human and |
| 0:19.0 | that this is one that many people will relate to. |
| 0:21.9 | You are far from being the first person to drunk text and X and you will not be the last. |
| 0:26.2 | So try not to be too hard on yourself. |
| 0:28.6 | It makes sense that when your inhibitions are lowered, your judgment is impaired and you feel |
| 0:35.9 | sad, lonely. |
| 0:40.1 | And the thing that you want to do all the time suddenly becomes the thing that you're willing to do, right? I'm sure that during the |
| 0:45.0 | day you probably want to text your ex as well, but you know that that's not the thing that |
| 0:49.1 | you're doing. Maybe you're in no contact or, you know, you're just deciding to keep the boundary. |
| 0:55.8 | But then when you have a few drinks, suddenly you're willing to do the thing that you otherwise have more self-control around |
| 1:00.9 | so it's a very human thing and at the same time I think the way that we can deal with that shame |
| 1:07.4 | in a more constructive way is by committing to make sure it doesn't happen again |
| 1:12.4 | and to learn a lesson. Okay. So I don't think that the focus should be on like, how do I undo |
| 1:18.2 | this with respect to my ex? I think you can, you know, if you want to, you can send a follow-up message |
| 1:23.1 | saying, really sorry, shouldn't have sent that. I hope you're well or whatever, adapt it to the |
| 1:28.4 | circumstances in a way that makes sense to you, depending on what the message actually said |
| 1:33.1 | that you sent while you were drunk, whatever. I don't think you have to over-explain it. I don't |
| 1:36.7 | think that you have to give some whole big apology. I think you can just acknowledge, |
| 1:41.4 | sorry, shouldn't have done that. That was a overstep, won't happen again. And then I think you have to really put guardrails in place |
| 1:49.0 | to make sure it doesn't happen again, because that is how we learn the lesson. And that's |
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