222. Why You Should Stop Pushing Through During Sex: Learning to Say No Without Apologizing

Honeydew Me

Cassandra Anderson

Self-improvement, Education, Sexuality, Health & Fitness

4.8 • 533 Ratings

🗓️ 9 July 2025

⏱️ 55 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

If you’ve ever had sex you didn’t really want to have— to avoid awkwardness, not hurt your partner's feelings or just get it over with—this episode is for you. We’re joined by Claire Perelman, a Queer, Jewish, AASECT Certified Sex Therapist based in the Bay Area who specializes in working with queer, poly, and kink communities. Claire breaks down what it really means to “push through” during sex, why so many of us do it (even when we know we don’t want to), and how to start honoring your boundaries without guilt, shutdown, or shame. We cover: What “pushing through” actually means and why it’s so common. We define what it looks like to override your body’s signals during sex and why so many women and femmes have been conditioned to tolerate discomfort in the name of connection. How to stop saying yes when your body is screaming no. Claire offers practical tools for tuning into your physical cues, catching freeze responses, and recognizing when you’re dissociating mid-sex. Why “not wanting sex” isn’t a problem to fix. Spoiler: Your desire isn’t broken. We explore how shame, performance pressure, and people-pleasing distort our understanding of healthy sexual agency. How to say no without apologizing or over-explaining. From scripts to mindset shifts, Claire gives you real-life ways to assert your boundaries without guilt. The nervous system’s role in sexual shutdown. We talk about what happens biologically when you freeze or dissociate and how to gently regulate your nervous system so you can feel safe again. When sex feels painful or uncomfortable (and you just go with it anyway). Claire gets real about the internalized messages that normalize discomfort and how to unlearn them especially if you’ve ever endured pain just to avoid awkwardness. How to rebuild intimacy after breaking your own boundaries. If you’ve pushed through in the past, you’re not alone. Claire walks us through how to reconnect with yourself and rebuild trust in your own “no.” Why pleasure requires choice—not obligation. True intimacy comes from wanting to be there. We unpack how to create space for real, enthusiastic consent in your sex life. Connect with Claire: On her website⁠ ⁠On Instagram⁠ ⁠Subscribe to our Patreon HERE to watch this episode and access exclusive content! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	One in a minute.
0:02.0	You're a gem shine when the light grows dim.
0:04.3	See one, two, three, four, three, two, one.
0:08.2	Because no one can do it like who we do it, like who we do it, like we do it, like we do it.
0:16.4	Because no one can do it like who we do it like we do it, like we do it, like we do it.
0:20.5	Because no one can do it like we do it like we do it. Because no one can do it like we do it like we do it like we do it.
0:25.3	Hello and welcome to Honeydutymy podcast.
0:28.0	I'm Emma.
0:29.0	And I'm Cass and this is our podcast where we talk about sex, relationships,
0:32.8	mental health, all the things that tend to feel a little bit shamy.
0:38.4	And we just try and wipe that shame right off you.
0:41.7	So you know you're not alone.
0:42.7	And we're all in us together like high school musical.
0:45.5	Like high school musical.
0:47.4	Like a nice wipe.
0:48.6	We just assist.
0:51.6	Like a flushable wipe.
0:53.4	Let's start over. Like no. I I love it I think that's exactly what I pictured when
0:59.5	you said wipe shame I picture it as like shit somebody wiping their asshole yeah fair hello that was
1:08.3	actually such a great transition thank Thank you. Hold, please.
1:11.2	You know I love, you know I love our email.
1:13.6	Because we get such fun emails.
	...

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