221. Q+A: “I’m Not Over My First Breakup...”

Honeydew Me

Cassandra Anderson

Self-improvement, Education, Sexuality, Health & Fitness

4.8 • 533 Ratings

🗓️ 2 July 2025

⏱️ 60 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

In this week's episode we're answering one of YOUR questions with a combination of expert tips and personal experience. The Question: "I’m in my mid-20s now, but I still feel like my breakup from high school is affecting the way I show up in relationships. Like… my attachment style, my trust issues, the way I react when someone pulls away. It all kind of traces back to that first heartbreak. Shouldn’t I be over it by now? It feels silly sometimes, but it also feels so real. Am I broken or is this just… a thing?" What We Cover in This Episode: The breakup that still haunts you (yes, that one). We revisit the heartbreaks that shaped us and why your pain from that relationship is still valid. Why your younger self didn’t need to “know better." A compassionate reframe for those moments when you look back and think, “Why didn’t I know better?” (Spoiler: it wasn’t your job to know. It was your job to do the best you could with what you had.) Validation is not weakness—it’s healing. We talk about why needing to feel seen in your pain isn’t dramatic, it’s human. Unpacking what breakups really bring up (hint: it’s not just about your ex). From attachment wounds to trust issues, we explore how heartbreak echoes in other areas of life. How to offer yourself the compassion you never got. Step-by-step reflections on how to talk to yourself like someone you deeply care about. Letting go with grace and a little bit of rage. We normalize the complexity of closure and what it actually takes to move forward. Creating rituals that honor your healing. Whether it’s a playlist, a letter, or a literal ceremony, we explore ways to mark the end of a chapter. Why your sadness makes sense. A gentle reminder that you don’t have to defend or downplay your grief—especially when no one else understood it at the time. Resources: ⁠⁠Get The Hot Girl Closure Ceremony Downloadable HERE!⁠ ⁠Subscribe to our Patreon for downloadables, extended episodes, video episodes + more! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	Hello, one in a minute, you're a gem shine when the light grows dim.
0:04.3	See one, two, three, four, three, two, one.
0:08.2	Because no one can do it like who we do it, like who we do it, like we do it, like we do it, like we do it, like we do it.
0:16.4	Because no one can do it like who we do it, like we do it, like we do it.
0:27.9	Hello. Hello, welcome to me do me do it like we do it like we do it like we do it. Hello, welcome to Honeydumee podcast. I'm Cass.
0:38.9	And I'm Emma. And this is our podcast where we talk about friendships, relationships, sex, solo sex, everything that is a construct in your life and sometimes feels a little shamy, a little sticky, and we're here to undress you of that sticky shame.
0:43.6	We absolutely are. We just want you to feel like you're not alone because we are all going
0:47.8	through these weird, slightly embarrassing things together. And even though it feels like you
0:53.1	are the only person that this has ever happened to
0:56.1	I swear I swear on me only solemnly solemnly it's not true like yeah we have probably been through the
1:04.8	exact same situation which is why we're really excited about today's episode.
1:17.0	We got just a beautiful question and we just couldn't wait to answer it because honestly,
1:22.2	I think the stories we're about to tell you today have been on our hearts and minds for some would say a decade.
1:25.5	Some would say, some would say upwards of a decade.
1:29.3	Unfortunately, yes.
1:29.9	Yes.
1:30.2	Unfortunately, yes.
1:31.4	It has been on our minds for a decade.
1:32.9	And I think it's just now time to answer it so honestly.
1:37.7	And we have the tools to kind of approach these questions in a more removed way.
1:43.7	Because I remember starting this podcast,
1:46.0	I couldn't wait for this topic to come up.
	...

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