Welcome back to savvy psychologist. I'm Dr. Ellen Hendrickson and every week I'll help you meet

life's challenges with evidence-based research, a sympathetic ear, and zero judgment.

It's the eternal question, how to start a conversation in a way that's not creepy? You have such beautiful

lips. An overshare. Ugh, this thong is way too tight. Or weird. Do you like ham? How we start a conversation is important because it sets

the tone and gives everyone an inkling of what's to come. It's like reading the first page of a novel, taking the first bite of a meal, or throwing out the first pitch.

And starting a conversation with friends or family is easy. They're known entities and you have a shared history of experiences.

But starting conversations with acquaintances, colleagues, or strangers can be a struggle more awkward than a Tyrannosaurus taking a

selfie. Now conversations with people you don't know well fall into two

general camps. In the first you want to initiate a conversation. You're trying to network, you have

a question, or you simply see a heart melting cutie across a crowded room. In the second camp you are forced into conversation so as not to be

awkward or antisocial. You're introduced to a friend of a friend, you're

waiting in line for the curag machine at work, or find yourself in the elevator with a neighbor whose name may or may not be Mulva.

If you live in a city, you know how strange public interactions can get. You sit thigh to thigh with a stranger

on the subway while ignoring each other's existence, but despite being so physically close you can

smell their deodorant, definitely old spice, there remains a

wide gulf of social distance.

Now initiating conversation with true strangers is rare. In general, we all heed our parents' rules

about not talking to strangers. And while it's a social norm, it's not without

exception. In researching this episode, I was fascinated by a paper I found in the Journal of Contemporary Ethnography, which analyzed how conversations between strangers happen on public transportation.

The paper found that although the unspoken rule is not to talk to strangers were allowed

to bend the rules if we follow certain conventions.

First, you're allowed to initiate conversation

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