In the fantasy city of Golden Lake, the horses can talk, the lore is inconsistent, and murder is everywhere to be found.

These are the cases of Fritz's Soup and Salad Detective Agency.

This is Gums Shoes and Dragons.

Starring Alarify as Brass Kemp, Aaron Keefe as Moose, and John Patrick Cohen as Spoof McNivins.

Well, in a pretty little Zinigal Golden Lake, there's no policy of punishing the reprobates, so criminals solve crimes to rehabilitate, and that's what our heroes will do. You got brass kept, a minotore orphan, moose is a gnome who is covered in leaves. Scoove, McNivots, smooth a given, there ain't no case, can't be solved by these three. Try! I give to crampuses established, the stage's been lit.

I cramped in all the exposition that these measures can fit.

It's time to roll some dice and get this mystery fixed.

Jhump.

Shoes and drag up.

And so.

A humanoid cat meets you at the door of handsome manner. She is wearing a veil and a big hat and a fur coat under which is a cocktail dress with a plunging neckline. She's clutching an expensive-looking handkerchief in her tiny, tiny hands. I didn't kill my husband, she says. You received an anonymous tip on your goblin phones that would suggest otherwise. The tip said that Dirk Handsome, which is the name sent to us by Alex Lovett, thank you Alex. Dirk Hansom, a wealthy wand magnate, was murdered in his home last night. The house is split into the foyer, or foyer, the dining room, the drawing room, a library, two bedrooms, and two bathrooms. She leads you inside and leans her back up against a large ornate door. Don't come in here, she says. There's nothing to find.

Please search somewhere normal like our bedroom or any of the bathrooms or whatever. Where'd you like to go? How low is this neckline? Yeah, great question. Thank you. So cats have their nipples, you know, near their back legs? Anthony, that's not what I asked. Oh, okay. I'm just saying, I'm saying that's how long it is. And did you say, Dirk Handsome? Dirk Handsome. Handsome. Okay. And Dirk Handsome is the name of the person who submitted it. And then the name that they submitted is. No, Alex Lovett submitted, Dirk Handsome is the victim. Okay. Yeah, as soon as Spoof hears Wond Magnate, which I guess he didn't hear because it was a text on his goblin phone, he immediately puts his hands kind of to his sides and starts like walking kind of strange because he doesn't want any, not that he has any wands on him, because he wouldn't because he's not a wizard,

but he doesn't want any wands to get, like, sucked into some sort of wand magnate. Anthony, do we know, are the wands that Dirk Handsome created or sold? Were they, like, called the handsome brand wands or anything? Yeah, they absolutely were. That thing you just said. I would suggest, and I can either go solo or we can all go, I would suggest the bedroom, which I think was what the humanoid cat said at first. All right. What's the percentage on this humanoid cat? She is bipedal, but otherwise she's all feline. I would love if you're like, you know how cats have nipples? You can see her nipples. And it's like, what's the percentage? 991 human. It's like, buddy, buddy, what do we do it? Normal cat beagles. Okay. And then is it like full cat face or is it like, do they have prey eyes? I guess cats are predators. Cats have the front eyes. Obligate carnivores. You know, Whiskers? You know, Princess, whatever the fuck from OJack Horseman? Mm-hmm. Wow. Carol. Okay. Easy. Amy Sedaris is rolling around in her house. Pittenhouse? Bed? Probably in a bed? Who knows what time this is? Who knows what time she's hearing about this? Amy Sedaris has a rabbit as a pet. Isn't that cute? Oh, that's very her. That feels very her, very whimsical. Yeah, it chews up her, like, furniture and stuff. Really cute. And David Sedaris has a bottle of eggnog as a pet. Incredible Amy Sedaris impression, adult.

Yeah, very nice.

Oh shit.

And Miss, all right, Mrs. Now, Miss.

Handsome, I presume?

I suppose so if I keep the name.

Yes, Miss Handsome, I would say I loved my husband so much and I did not

kill him. Well, of course. Yeah, people don't normally say that out of. It's very rarely

the spouse that does them. And I'm looking at my, you know what? Oh my God, I have that exactly

wrong. It's almost almost. Oh, no. I was doing a 991 cat to human kind of reversal

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