You're waiting for them to explain why they left. You're waiting for the apology, the conversation, the text that finally makes it all makes sense.

You're rehearsing what you'd say. You're checking their socials for a sign. You're telling yourself you can't move on until you get closure. But here's the harsh truth.

Closure doesn't come from them.

It never did.

That conversation that you keep rehearsing in your head,

even if you got it, every single fucking word

exactly how you imagined it,

it wouldn't be enough because closure isn't in front. That conversation that you keep rehearsing in your head, even if you got it, every single

fucking word exactly how you imagined it, it wouldn't be enough because closure isn't

information, it's not an explanation.

Closure's grief.

And you've been avoiding grief by pretending you just need one more answer.

Hello, hello, hello!

Welcome to another episode of the Sabrina Zohar Show.

My name is Sabrina Zohar and I am your host, my friends! We are Hard Truth Four. We made it. I love this series. I love series in general, so pop them in into the comments. What series do you want next? Don't worry. We're going to do the nervous system one. I heard my babies. You asked for it. You shall receive. But I'm so excited because this one is a biggie. At first, I was going to talk about how you have to learn to grieve. And I said, bitch, I ain't nobody going to understand what the fuck you're talking about. We have to learn that closure doesn't come from another person. That's the hard truth. Closure is an inside job, and you've got to learn to grieve if you actually want to be able to move on. Guys, as always, please don't forget to read and review, leave a comment, share it with a friend. That is the most important thing. It helps us grow more than you would ever know. Even if you don't like an episode, market is finished. Help me, rig the system. But guys, everything you need, all the courses working one-on-one, if you want to ask a question, everything is linked in the show notes. And I'm just so stoked, guys, because episode one through three, we're about what you do wrong while you're in it wrong, you know. Today is about what happens when it's over and what you're doing wrong on the after. And I asked you guys what you're struggling with when it comes to getting over someone and the responses, They broke my heart, but I think we need it. So let's get right on into it, shall we?

This episode is special to me because honestly, I've lived it and I was in this place for a long fucking time. And I think a lot of you guys are in that. You think you need one more conversation. You need one more explanation. You need one more answer. And then you'll be able to move on. But think about what you're really doing. You're outsourcing your healing to the person who hurt you. And you're handing the key to your freedom to someone who already walked away. I used to believe closure was the only way I was going to get over somebody. I needed you to tell me that I will be okay. And if you told me I'll be okay, if you gave me a reason, right? And we have to think of why. Why do we want closure so bad? Because your brain is trying to close a loop. When somebody ends something, if you're not making sense of it yourself, you're looking for the other person to validate your experience and to tell you it's okay, to let you know that maybe you didn't do anything wrong, that it wasn't about you, that this is their shortcoming. But all it does is it prolongs the inevitable so that then you don't actually have to face reality. Because when we're waiting for closure, you're not actually accepting what is. You're hoping that the what if is going to set you free. So what does healthy closure look like when you don't get an apology or an explanation? Healthy closure doesn't require their participation at all. You're asking the person who hurt you to be the one that heals you. Healthy closure is you deciding that the chapter is over without their signature on the last fucking page. And the thing about the why, you think if you could just understand why you'd feel better, but you get the answer and it doesn't fit. Or it raises more questions. Or they lie. Or they give you a reason that makes no fucking sense. You're not actually looking for information. You're looking for a feeling. You want the explanation to make the pain make sense, but understanding why someone left doesn't undo the leaving. These are the audience questions that you guys ask. I wanted to jump right on into a few and then start to understand what's coming up for you. Because I get it, right? I used to, when I was dating, I would just say like, I just need them to tell me why. I need to understand because it was really hard for me to fathom a couple of things. One, if it really is them, then what does that mean about me?

Oh, that I didn't do anything wrong, that not everything is my fault. And I'll be honest with you guys, which you guys know, I'm always vulnerable with you. I'm experienced that in my career right now. Like, I am not going to bullshit you of like, oh my God, yeah, once you do this work, like you wake up every day and you're skipping on clouds and healing is nothing and you're just enjoying every single day.

No. No. I still have fears of abandonment. I still worry that you guys are going to leave me. Even if you're like, sap, that makes no sense. Well, it's the same thing I say when you're dating, right? We don't have any proof. That doesn't mean there's anything wrong. That just makes me a human. And the more we try to avoid that,

imagine if I was like, I just need closure from you guys. I just need to know why you stopped listening.

You'd be like, wow, bitch, really? You're going to outsource what that person's going through to make it

your problem. Then, of course, that's not like a direct correlation. But the reason I bring this up is to

show that like, you're a human and what you're going through makes sense. But the longer you prolong it of like, I just need closure, I just need to hear from them. I need them to tell me why. No contact is so hard. It's like the only reason no contact is hard for you is because you're going through a withdrawal. When you have somebody every single day, you're getting dopamine. You're getting the neurotransmitters. And then they're gone. You get none of it. So not only is your body not receiving what it was, now you have to baseline when you're losing everything in your dopaminergic system is firing and alerting saying, we're not safe. But really what it is, it's now it's about you creating a life without this person that you're fucking excited about because if they were the center of your life, that's why you're struggling to get over them because you don't have one outside of them.

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