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The Sabrina Zohar Show

195: Do You Want Love Or Do You Want to Be Picked So You Feel Worthy?

The Sabrina Zohar Show

Sabrina Zohar

Relationships, Mental Health, Education, Society & Culture, Self-improvement, Health & Fitness

4.9 • 5.5K Ratings

🗓️ 27 March 2026

⏱️ 37 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

If you've ever lost interest the moment someone became available, or stayed obsessed with someone who kept you at arm's length, this episode is for you. Part three of the Hard Truth Series breaks down the most common pattern nobody wants to admit: using relationships to collect proof of your worth instead of building real partnership. Backed by research on rejection sensitivity and anxious attachment, Sabrina unpacks why chasing external validation creates a cycle no amount of love can fix, how to tell if you are dating for connection or reassurance, and what it actually takes to stop performing and start showing up. If you’re ready to slow down, trust your instincts, and break your old dating patterns, the Healthy Relationship Foundations Course walks you through it step-by-step  HERE! If you’re serious about changing your dating patterns instead of repeating them, the Art of Going Slow course helps you unlearn urgency, regulate your nervous system, and build real connection without rushing, chasing, or abandoning yourself HERE! Get Ad free HERE!Want to work with Sabrina? HERE!Get merch for The Sabrina Zohar Show HERE!Don't forget to follow Sabrina and The Sabrina Zohar Show on Instagram and Sabrina on TikTok! Video now available on YOUTUBE! Please support our sponsors! Sign up now and Acorns will boost your new account with a $5 bonus investment. Head to acorns.com/ZOHAR or download the Acorns app to get started. Right now, Momentous is offering our listeners up to 35% off your first order with promo code SABRINA. Head to livemomentous.com ============================= Chapters: 00:00 Dating for Validation vs Partnership 03:17 Why You're Not Ready for Real Love 07:00 Proof Seeking vs Building Partnership 10:37 Rejection and Self-Worth 15:00 Core Beliefs and the Validation Trap 19:00 Why External Validation Never Fills the Void 23:35 The Research Behind Approval Seeking 26:28 What Validation Dating Actually Costs You 29:21 Are You Performing or Showing Up 32:10 The Validation Check Tool of the Week Disclaimer: The Sabrina Zohar Show, formerly known as Do The Work, is not affiliated with A.Z & associates LLC in any capacity. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0

McGriddles, a new McDonald's breakfast. So it's maple syrup infused. It's sweet, then it's

0:05.8

savoury, because the sausage, you know, and the cheese and the egg. Oh, it's got the golden

0:09.9

archies stamped on it too. Make that make sense. It's hard to put into words, but...

0:14.4

Until 11am, subject to availability, fees apply to delivery orders while stocks last.

0:20.7

There once was a woman who lived in a shoe. A size too snug, but what could she do?

0:26.0

But that's not where her story ends.

0:28.4

Thanks to a little help from her Experian friends, she got her score into much better shape

0:32.9

and relocated to a box fresh new place, with room to grow and a mortgage to suit.

0:39.1

Now, she lives in a spacious four-bedroom cowboy boots.

0:43.3

Better your Experian credit score to help get mortgage ready.

0:46.8

Experian, better your score, better your story.

0:50.2

We ask what if questions. What if they come back? What if they don't want me?

0:53.9

What if they leave me? But the question I actually think we need to ask is, what if you don't actually want a relationship? What if you want proof? Proof that you're enough. Proof that you're lovable. Proof that you're worth choosing. And the second you get the proof, you're either going to lose interest or you'll find something wrong and burn it to the fucking ground. And here's the

1:11.0

truth, our truth number three to be exact. Some of you aren't actually dating for partnership.

1:15.0

You're dating for validation. And there's a massive fucking difference because one build a life

1:18.8

and the other just feeds a wound that will never stay full. Hello, hello, hello.

1:24.0

And welcome to another episode of the Sabrina Zohar show. My name is Sabrina Zohar, and I am your host. Hello, babes. Welcome back to episode three of the Hard Truth series. Remember, episode one, we talked about being addicted to potential. Love it. Episode two, we talked about how you can't heal your way out of a bad fucking match. And today we're going to go deeper. What if the things that you're chasing aren't love at all?

1:45.2

I asked you guys whether you were dating for love or validation.

1:47.5

And a lot of you had questions.

2:01.6

So we're going to get into all of that today. And don't forget, as always, at the end, we have our tool of the week. Now, do I put it at the end to keep you? Yeah. Yeah, no shit. but that's what I ask for you because guys, okay, book time is coming and I got a mama got put her ego aside because it's really hard for me to ask for things. And what I, the only thing I ask is that you guys pre-order the book. I don't think maybe most people don't know. I didn't either. Pre-ordering a book is how the author gets on the New York Times list. That's how we get Target and Walmart to know, hey, people want to

2:17.7

bring us book because look how many people are buying it pre-order. So, baby, I need any time it starts to go on, which don't worry, you'll find out when it does. By October 13th, when the book comes out, we got a pre-order prior. So don't worry, I'm going to do a book tour. I'm going to come and see you guys. We're going to do meet and greets. I can't fucking wait. And you guys will

2:33.8

also get a lot of freebies if you pre-order the book because Mama wants to say. and see you guys. We're going to do meet and greets. I can't fucking wait. And you guys will also

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