Okay, folks, welcome and welcome aboard, I should say, to the latest chapter of life on planet Porky.

As I speak, I'm the portmaster, of course, and Ms Ann Jones, the rock chick writer Extraordinary,

is just down the line.

I have to ask you your first question of this podcast.

Ms. Jones, are you enjoying your bank holiday?

What's a bank holiday?

They kind of don't exist anymore, do they?

I mean, I remember bank holidays being a big deal when I was a kid.

My father preferred not to go places because the roads were always hell.

And, of course, this weekend, the roads were hell.

I tried to go on a 52-mile journey.

I set off after an hour and a half, I was no further down the road than two miles.

And I turned around and came back because where are all these people going?

They can't all be going to shopping centres and garden centres, can they?

Well, I don't know, but on the board with North Wales, to see whether it was going to rain or it's

going to be sunny, and then you had to take the big gamble, whether we all piled into my dad's

Morris Minor estate, and went down the coast road to your, what you would call God's own country,

Prestatine or Rill or Landtano, for a day out on the beach. Wonderful days. But it was only good

if the sun was out. If the sun wasn't out, sitting in the back of a Morris Minor estate,

eating jambutties and drinking pop all day while the rain bounces off the roof is not to be

recommended. Well, neither is sitting in a car. I mean, surely all these people can't be that happy about sitting in their car for hours and

end to get somewhere to have what, fish and chips out of newspaper or whatever kind of paper

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