177 SelfWork: Sleep or Sex? How To Balance Both Your Needs and Desires
The SelfWork Podcast
Margaret Robinson Rutherford PhD
4.8 • 1.3K Ratings
🗓️ 24 April 2020
⏱️ 27 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
Sleep and sex – how does a couple balance out these two needs and desires? How many times have I heard a couple argue about whether or not they’re having enough sex. One will usually say I’m too exhausted. The other feels rejected. Both feel unappreciated and hurt. I'll offer a couple of tips from experts and couples themselves about how they balance two different libidos and two different sleep styles while managing to reach a compromise. And by the way, there was a study done several years ago that tested different factors (including level of salary) to see which ones might lead to greater life satisfaction and sense of happiness. The two that were most powerful? Sexual satisfaction (being content in your sex life) and sleep – getting enough of it. That’s an eye opener for sure.
The listener email today is from someone who wants to know how to talk with her spouse about abuse she suffered as a child. I’ll give her my answer!
Important Links:
Dr. Pat Love's Hot Monogamy
One of Dr. David Schnarch's first books on sexual intimacy and couples.
You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive one weekly newsletter including my weekly blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!
My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has arrived and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.
And there’s a new way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!
Our Sponsors: * Check out BetterHelp and use my code betterhelp.com for a great deal: https://www.betterhelp.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands
Transcript
Click on a timestamp to play from that location
| 0:00.0 | This is self-work and I'm Dr. Margaret Rutherford. |
| 0:13.0 | At self-work, we'll discuss psychological and emotional issues common in today's world |
| 0:19.0 | and what to do about them. |
| 0:20.0 | I'm Dr. Margaret and self-work is a podcast dedicated to you taking just a few minutes today for your own self-work. |
| 0:29.0 | Hello and welcome to the 177th episode of self-work. I can't really believe that. I'm |
| 0:35.4 | Dr. Margaret Rutherford. I'm a clinical psychologist out of Fable Arkansas and I |
| 0:39.6 | began podcasting about three and a half years ago with a couple of things in mind |
| 0:45.2 | mostly to try to introduce therapeutic topics to people who wanted to listen who might already be going to therapy |
| 0:51.2 | or just have been initially diagnosed with depression or anxiety and |
| 0:54.6 | are curious for answers. |
| 0:56.8 | But also to a third group that might really think that going to therapy is still about |
| 1:01.9 | weakness and I hope in the stories that I tell |
| 1:04.4 | that you'll see that therapy itself is an incredible experience and takes a lot of |
| 1:10.7 | courage. So welcome to self-work. Today we're going to be talking about |
| 1:14.4 | sleep and sex and how to balance those two needs, but we're also going to try to |
| 1:19.2 | understand about how what happens in bed can influence your entire life, how couples communicate about |
| 1:25.0 | about sex and libido and sleep. |
| 1:27.0 | How many times have I heard a couple argue about whether or not |
| 1:30.0 | they're having enough sex? |
| 1:32.0 | One will say, I'm too exhausted, the other feels |
| 1:34.8 | rejected, both feel unappreciated and hurt. I've heard this discussion slash |
| 1:39.8 | conversations slash intense fighting so much. |
... |
Please login to see the full transcript.
Disclaimer: The podcast and artwork embedded on this page are from Margaret Robinson Rutherford PhD, and are the property of its owner and not affiliated with or endorsed by Tapesearch.
Generated transcripts are the property of Margaret Robinson Rutherford PhD and are distributed freely under the Fair Use doctrine. Transcripts generated by Tapesearch are not guaranteed to be accurate.
Copyright © Tapesearch 2026.