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Perfect Person

175: citizens arresting the cold brew catfish (w/ Sarah Doerner)

Perfect Person

Miles Bonsignore

Comedy

51.4K Ratings

🗓️ 12 November 2025

⏱️ 86 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Sarah Doerner joins the show to take stunning calls from citizens about a cold brew thief in broad daylight, a coworkers girlfriend inviting you to a fourway post shift, and a friend group divided by partying too hard. 

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Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0

This is a headgum podcast.

0:17.4

Hello and welcome to Perfect Person the show where I'm Burm, and you're of course a, uh, uh, person.

0:22.4

Right.

0:23.1

Hit the wrong button once again.

0:26.4

Guys!

0:27.3

You a stud finder.

0:30.0

Stud finder.

0:30.8

Oh!

0:31.6

Use a metal stud finder that does the magnets to hang in the heavy stuff on your wall.

0:37.7

Real.

0:38.0

Because recently I've been hanging, sorry, don't pinch your lips like you weren't supposed to talk like a quiet little mouse. You can say anything you want. Zip it. Zip it. Zip it. But no, I've been using a stud finder recently because I hung a TV on the freaking wall. and it was really helpful

0:53.7

because usually what I do is I go

0:55.5

yeah I know I'm supposed to on the freaking wall. And it was really helpful because usually what I do is I go, yeah, I know I'm supposed to use a freaking wall anchor, but I'm not going to do that. I'm just going to wing it and hope I hit a stud. But not right now because I use the stud finder. Dang. That's scary. I would never hang a TV. You would hang a TV?

1:11.2

You would never catch me hanging a TV. Oh my God. I kind of, can I be honest? Really love it. Hanging? I love hanging a TV. There's something about me and... Sorry. I like to sort of flex the muscles. I was recently listening to a podcast with Nick Offerman. He was talking about, we're working with hands and working with tools.

1:29.2

And I was like, I am connected to the earth and the environment.

1:31.1

We're talking to the earth and the muscles. I was recently listening to a podcast with Nick Offerman. He was talking about we're working with hands and working with tools. And I was like, I am connected to the earth and the environment. Me drilling in a TV. Okay. Really feeling it. Drill through the TV. I'm hanging it up. Can't use it, but it feels good. It does feel good. But I do like sort of hanging things in my home, building furniture, etc. And when I see building furniture, not me woodworking, putting together an IKEA.

1:46.6

I do understand.

1:47.4

There's like a sense of accomplishment like, oh, I, oh, I ate that.

1:51.5

Oh, I really ate that, me setting up a weird little stand in my room.

1:55.8

Yeah.

1:56.0

When I built, did not build, set up my credenza.

1:59.9

I was like, okay, who can fucking take me right now? Yeah, it feels, it feels, it feels really good. And hanging at TV is sort of the exact same, except it's got to be level. And thus, you need to need the stud finder. But I'm obviously on the show with Sarah Durner. Y! Yeah! Sarah, welcome to the show. Thank you for being here once again. Thank you for having me back. Oh, my God, of course. I was waiting with baited breath. Standing by my phone. By my phone, you would not call. You would send a text. I was standing by my phone for the text. Honestly, people should be calling, but how are you on phone calls?

...

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