My job is to somehow make them curious enough or persuade them by hook or crew to get more aware of themselves and where they came from and what they are into and what is already there and just to bring it out.

This is what compels me to compel them and I will do it by whatever means necessary.

Welcome to the Black Girl's Hill podcast. We talk about healing or it's missy disorders and resolve trauma and building a healthy relationship with first ourselves and then others.

Every episode we will talk about advice you can apply today to break unhealthy patterns and grow in your self-worth.

I'm Shrinella Shay, love edition coach and trauma specialist. Let's begin.

Hello, hello and welcome to the latest episode of Black Girl's Hill. I hope that you are having a wonderful day, that you are shining, that you are thriving and that you are living your best life today.

And I hope that this podcast episode helps you get a little bit closer to the life that you want and that you desire.

So today's episode we are talking about the impact of childhood emotional neglect and how it leads to the behaviors of love addiction.

So childhood emotional neglect is a type of childhood trauma. It is the type of trauma that I see in 100% of the people that I serve.

No matter whether or not you are connected to love addiction, love avoidance, if you just have low self-esteem, anxiety, depression that is caused by the traumas that you have gone through, all the common denominator across the board is childhood emotional neglect.

And it is so important to know what this is because I think what trips up a lot of people when it comes to breaking down the root causes of why they may have repeated relationship issues and struggles with low self-esteem and they are doing all the right things and nothing is really adding up, nothing is really changing.

Maybe they look back at their life and they say, you know, I have parents that sacrifice for me, maybe they were immigrants and they came here, maybe they just went through struggle, maybe they were always successful but they just worked really hard and they were physically present and gave me everything I wanted.

Why do I feel this way? Why do I continue to have these types of self doubts? Why do I keep being attracted to or attracting certain types of partners? No, change that.

Why do I keep being attracted to versus attracting? I really want to work on my language and amend what I've said in previous years that we are attracting certain types of people because I really want to know that there is always, always, always people who are available for you to love and who want to love you around you.

However, when we are used to the foolishness, when trauma and drama has been normalized, that's the stuff that's on our radar.

So when we have healthy and available people, we don't even see them. And if we do see them, we feel uncomfortable. It feels like it's a little bit too much, we're not as interested.

And so just our barometer is more, and it might not be, that might not be the right word, but we are more tuned into people who live in that state of dysfunction, not because it's what we want or what we actually are looking for, but it's just what's familiar to us.

And just as humans, we always search for what is familiar, even if it causes problems, even if it causes drama, the body wants what it is comfortable with, it wants a sense of homeostasis.

And until we actively unlearn those patterns and until we actively heal these things and replace it with different things, what is common and what is normal for my body, what my body knows is how to deal with up and down fights.

When my body knows is how to deal with roller coaster emotions, when my body knows is how to deal with people who are in and out, because I've been dealing with that my whole life, yeah, cause of stress, but it's familiar.

So that's where our work comes into play.

But I think it really trips up people who feel like I have no reason to feel this way when you look back at it, but childhood emotional neglect is the common denominator.

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