Hey there, beloved employees of the Crow Cro-Croa Corporation!

Ha-ha! Wow! Thanks for coming to this emergency all-hand service today.

I know I only sent the email out a half hour ago,

so I appreciate you rearranging your busy schedules to prioritize this meeting.

I actually thought there'd be fewer of you, which would make it easier on me I'm not a coward but um

well okay let's start from the top we have a few important updates and some tough news to share

but before we do that I'd like to say and some of you might be saying this for the last time

um the story must be told.

The story must be told.

Okie-doke. Well, um, you know, being the co-CEO of the Crowcrow Corporation certainly has

its perks. I'm not going to deny that. But part of being the co-CEO with Brother

Reed is rolling with the punches in good times and in bad times. And we want to make it abundantly clear

that our employees are even more important to us than our private jets or our box seat season

tickets to the LA Dodgers or our numerous villas and conference centers across Central America and Western Europe.

And despite recording record profits this quarter, which is good news, our board of investors has made the difficult decision to tighten our belts and let go some of our

talented and treasured employees so that we can stay afloat and most importantly minimize expenses.

So with a heavy heart, we'll need to eliminate the following team members. Please stand

up so everyone can see who's being let go.

Chant Hunsley, our hardworking vice president of Cro-Croar Research.

Sorry, but you're out. Grapehart stems, our beloved lobbyist in Washington. Teriana Gripper, without whom we wouldn't have won all those court battles against that pesky group, Mothers Against Cro-Croa. We really appreciate your work.

Tim Pricles, you're out of here, our Never Say Die lead engineer in our top secret nuclear development facility.

George W. Bush, our shadow advisor, you made the list two. And then finally,

...