132. When You've Done Everything and Your Reality Still Isn't Changing
Plenty with Kate Northrup
Kate Northrup
4.8 • 840 Ratings
🗓️ 28 October 2025
⏱️ 22 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
Have you ever felt like you’ve done everything right—all the mindset work, all the strategy, all the “manifestation” tools—and yet, your life still isn’t matching what you desire?
I know how frustrating that can feel. In this episode, I’m diving deep into the hidden reasons why your outer world might not be shifting, even though you’ve been showing up and doing the work.
I walk you through three often-overlooked layers that can keep us stuck in repeating patterns—and how to gently start releasing them so you can finally experience real change:
💫 Nervous system repatterning: How our bodies can unconsciously “reset” us back to old comfort zones, and why feeling safe in expansion is key to sustaining success.
💫 Secondary gain: The subtle ways we might benefit from not getting what we want (and how to lovingly explore those patterns without shame).
💫 Radical approval: Why disapproving of “what is” keeps us trapped—and how genuine acceptance can become the fastest way to create the life you’ve been longing for.
You’ll leave this conversation feeling grounded, supported, and equipped with practical tools you can use today—like my favorite simple nervous system exercise that can help you shift your energy in under a minute.
Because the truth is, the moment you stop waiting for life to be perfect and start approving of what is, you’ve already changed everything. 🌿
🎧 Tune in now, and let’s explore how to align your body, mind, and energy with the abundance that’s already within reach.
👉 katenorthrup.com/reset — Download The Money Reset, my free guided experience to rewire your nervous system for wealth and calm your relationship with money.
“The fastest way to get what you want is to approve of the way things are right now.”–Kate Northrup
🎤 Let’s Dive into the Good Stuff on Plenty 🎤
00:00 Introduction to Abundance and Life's Finite Nature
00:37 Frustrations in Personal Growth and Change
01:06 Understanding Secondary Gain in Personal Experiences
02:20 Neural Patterning and Its Impact on Health
08:04 Exploring Financial Avoidance and Secondary Gain
10:10 Fear of Success and Its Implications
12:26 The Importance of Approval in Life
14:29 Transforming Disapproval into Approval
19:30 Key Takeaways for Personal Transformation
Links and Resources:
Mama Gena
Loving What Is, By Byron Katie
What if you could witness a story as it’s being born — before it’s polished, before it’s perfect, before the world sees it?
I’ve spent the past few years teaching, writing, and learning alongside thousands of women about how to live and work in a way that honors our bodies, our energy, and our truth. But this next chapter — both in life and in creativity — is something entirely new.
I’m inviting you into the room while the story is unfolding.
✨ Introducing The Inside Reader — an intimate, creative experience where you’ll join me as I write my next book, a narrative nonfiction about women, money, and the body.
Instead of waiting two years for the finished book, you’ll walk with me through the process itself — the messy middle, the sacred pauses, and the moments of breakthrough that shape what’s to come.
When you step inside, you’ll receive:
- 📖 Unfiltered early chapters as I write them
- 🎙 Live Zoom circles every few weeks to explore meaning and process
- 💬 A private space for conversation and reflection
- ✨ The chance for your story or insight to shape the book itself (with your permission)
This isn’t a course or a program. It’s a living, breathing creative relationship — between you, me, and the work that’s ready to be born.
You’ll not only witness a book coming to life, but also awaken something in yourself: your creative rhythm, your voice, your connection to your body and money.
If you’ve ever longed to be part of something real — not just the highlight reel — this is your invitation to pull up a chair by the fire and help midwife what’s next.
💫 Join me inside. The story’s just beginning.
👉 Learn more at katenorthrup.com/the-inside-reader
Related Episode:
Transcript
Click on a timestamp to play from that location
| 0:00.0 | And our life is so finite, our time here on earth is so incredibly short. |
| 0:06.4 | Why would we spend our lives disapproving of what is? |
| 0:11.2 | The fastest way to get what you want is to approve of the way things are right now. |
| 0:19.6 | Welcome to Plenty. I'm your host, Kate Northrop, and together we are going on a journey |
| 0:25.8 | to help you have an incredible relationship with money, time, and energy, and to have abundance |
| 0:34.0 | on every possible level. Every week, we're going to dive in with experts and insights |
| 0:40.8 | to help you unlock a life of plenty. Let's go fill our cups. So I want to dive in around this |
| 0:49.3 | topic because this can be one of the most frustrating experiences to feel like, I'm trying so hard to change. |
| 0:57.1 | Why is it not working? |
| 0:59.7 | So there's a couple of things that aren't as common to discuss when it comes to my external |
| 1:07.0 | life does not match what I want and I've've done everything, and it's still not working. |
| 1:12.0 | Let's address them. |
| 1:13.0 | There's really three of them that most people, I don't think, are understanding or talking about. |
| 1:20.4 | One of them is the secondary gain. |
| 1:23.3 | So I was talking to a woman on a coaching call the other day, and she was having the experience |
| 1:29.8 | where she was a really sick kid. |
| 1:31.9 | And so her whole early life was around her caregivers surrounding her to make sure she was |
| 1:42.6 | going to survive. |
| 1:43.6 | It was very much tied into. Illness was intertwined |
| 1:47.7 | with love and care. And throughout her life, despite having created beautiful success, she |
| 1:55.0 | ends up getting sick a lot at these key moments of expansion. And one of the things that can happen, I don't know |
| 2:06.0 | that this was true for her, but she definitely in this example had an early imprinting of |
... |
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