1297: Healing after Intense Sexual Shame and Suicidality as a Mormon Teenage Girl - Clarissa Winter Pt. 4

Mormon Stories Podcast

Dr. John Dehlin

Religion & Spirituality

4.5 • 5.7K Ratings

🗓️ 14 April 2020

⏱️ 64 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Clarissa Winter is a direct descendant of Brigham Young (on her father’s side) and a Guatemalan Mormon convert (on her mother’s side). Clarissa was raised in Orderville, Utah as a devout Mormon, but during her teenage years began to “fall away” from orthodox Mormonism as she explored her own sexuality and struggled with anxiety, depression, and suicidality. After being labeled by her Mormon peers with terms like “bad,” “slut,” “crazy,” “whore,” “unworthy” - and after being threatened with excommunication by two Mormon bishops for sexual exploration - Clarissa left Mormonism and spent many years as a young adult trying to heal from her Mormon upbringing, and develop her own sense of self-worth and self-empowerment. Today’s episode is about rising strong as an ex-Mormon adult after being deemed “unworthy” and experiencing rejection from one’s conservative Mormon community. Clarissa is also a model, a big fan of scary movies, and does scary movie-themed boudoir shoots. You can find her Instagram account at callmemrskrueger.

Transcript

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0:33.0	And I lived in Vegas for almost three years and I just started feeling just something in me.
0:44.0	Didn't feel right. I felt like something was missing again.
0:53.0	And I'm like, I have, I'm living in this beautiful city, like just in city, but it's, I love it.
1:02.0	What is missing in me? Like there's something so like I was so sad and my job at the time, they got a new management and things started changing.
1:16.0	They, you know, people were fired and people I loved and get angry and like we weren't making as much money.
1:23.0	I think there's more competition on the strip and things were getting really slow at work and I wasn't making as much money.
1:28.0	So I started struggling with money, which I have worked so hard. I take care of myself a very independent.
1:35.0	I love that feeling of providing for myself. I've always had to provide for myself.
1:39.0	So it was hard starting to struggle with money again.
1:45.0	And I didn't want to leave my job because that's where all my people were. I don't, I love that place.
1:51.0	But just every summer that I lived in Vegas, I would go in the summer time, I take a week off of work.
2:00.0	Off of life and I'd go visit my parents in order, and watch Netflix and chill for a week.
2:06.0	And I just escaped reality. It was awesome. I look forward to that every summer.
2:11.0	So I planned on, you know, my trip again and I couldn't wait to just do nothing.
2:17.0	I like didn't bring any glueing. I was not going to see anybody. I was not.
2:22.0	And I brought my makeup just in case, but that was not the plan. I only brought sweatpants, tank tops, yoga panting or just all the comfy clothes.
2:29.0	And that's it and the makeup just in case. And I was down there and.
2:36.0	Clinton and I had talked on Facebook and Instagram at this point.
	...

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