1284: Kalin Orgill Organ - Losing and Finding One's Self in Search of Truth Pt. 3
Mormon Stories Podcast
Dr. John Dehlin
4.5 • 5.7K Ratings
🗓️ 29 March 2020
⏱️ 49 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
Periodically on Mormon Stories Podcast I try to interview “normal” or everyday Mormons about their faith journey – and in every case these “normal” Mormons turn out to be extraordinarily thoughtful and courageous. Today’s interview is no exception to this rule.
Today on Mormon Stories podcast I am interviewing Kalin Orgill Organ. Aside from Kalin being a super thoughtful and courageous human, Kalin’s story includes several important themes in modern Mormonism:
- Kalin was raised in an orthodox Mormon home in California and in Highland, Utah – with seven siblings.
- She was sexually abused as a child, which possibly awakened her to her own sexuality early than other children.
- She began masturbating as a girl, before she even knew what the term meant. This instigated a multi-year effort between herself, her parents, and her Mormon bishop to try to stop the behavior, and to become “worthy” in God’s eyes.
- Kalin “lost her virginity” as a Mormon teen, which, along with her inability to stop masturbating, only made her feel less worthy.
- Kalin had doubts/questions as a Mormon teen, and even listened briefly to Mormon Stories podcast PRIOR to serving her mission. She fought hard to gain a testimony while on her mission.
- Over time, three of Kalin’s siblings came out to her as LGBTQ, which multiplied her confusion and doubt.
- After returning from a successful Mormon mission, Kalin married her husband Aaron in a Mormon temple, wherein they became to onlookers the “perfect Mormon couple.”
- Over time, after a lifetime of struggling to feel worthy, Kalin’s doubts began to consume her, and she began to contemplate suicide as a Mormon wife and mother of two children.
- Kalin is currently navigating a mixed-faith marriage, and remains an active non-literal believer in her Salt Lake City ward.
This is Kalin’s story – how she lost her orthodox Mormon faith, but found herself (and her own voice) in the process.
You will not be disappointed with this interview. I hope you will join us. And please spread the word if you can!
Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | Thank you for joining us today on Mormon Stories podcast. If you value this podcast and want |
| 0:09.4 | to see it continue please become a monthly supporter at MormonStories.org. |
| 0:15.4 | You came home and you're righteous. Glory. Yep. I did. |
| 0:19.4 | Having served the year and a half and been super faithful and devout and very convicted. |
| 0:26.0 | And I decided to go to BYU. Probo. I decided to transfer. A big reason was because so my |
| 0:32.1 | little brother, he was like, so I already have my two gay siblings that leave the church and |
| 0:36.2 | that's devastating for me. I have another brother who was kind of out at the time but is now |
| 0:42.8 | since come back and has got married in the temple. But at the time he was kind of a law sheep too. |
| 0:48.2 | You had three of your seven siblings faltering or... |
| 0:52.1 | And my little brother was very much, I could see he was straddling the line. And I felt like it was my |
| 0:59.4 | mission to save him and make sure that he got on a mission, that he kept his testimony and I wanted |
| 1:07.1 | to be closer to home so that I could have more of an influence on him. And so that's what I did. |
| 1:12.0 | I went to BYU and two months after I got home my first district leader, my first district leader, |
| 1:18.8 | my first area reaches out to me and says, hey, I've got this friend that he just got dumped. |
| 1:27.4 | He was engaged. They were going to get my three weeks before the wedding. She breaks up with him |
| 1:32.8 | and he's like, but I keep feeling prompted that you guys should meet. And I'm like, this guy literally |
| 1:37.0 | just got his heart broken. He's not going to be ready for relationship. But that's how I met my |
| 1:43.1 | husband. So we meet at BYU and three weeks later we're talking about marriage and talking about, |
| 1:50.1 | you know, telling each other, he tells me that he's worried about marrying me and just received an |
| 1:55.0 | answer. I think I'd mentioned when I was 16 or 15, that first heartbreak I had really changed the |
| 2:01.8 | way I viewed love. I just, I felt like love was not lasting in the sense that that infatuation, |
| 2:11.3 | that falling in love with someone I just, I didn't want that anymore. I wanted security. And |
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