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Black Girls Heal

#110: 4 Ways to Not be Codependent as a Healer

Black Girls Heal

Shena Lashey

Education, Mental Health, Health & Fitness, Self-improvement

4.8 • 1.8K Ratings

🗓️ 24 August 2021

⏱️ 42 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

I’m sharing these tips for anyone who is a professional healer. Those of you who are therapists, coaches, crystal workers, healers of all sorts, listen in. But, if you are the sage of your family, perhaps a priest or pastor, or maybe a teacher who hears the burdens of your students, then this is for you as well. 

As healers, we need to be sure to avoid codependency. What does that mean exactly? As a whole, it means not making your client or family member or student’s journey about you. You cannot superimpose your issues onto their healing. 

The first way to avoid codependency is by not arguing with people who aren’t ready for transformation. You cannot push people toward healing. They will walk the path toward healing in their own time and you badgering them into it will not make them go any faster. 

When people share their feelings with you, stop, take a moment, and then ask them what they need from you. Rather than listening and then immediately trying to fix the problem, see what they’re looking to gain by confiding in you first. 

Also don’t personalize the other person’s progress. Their wins and losses are not reflective of your involvement in their life. It’s their healing journey, not yours so their progress has nothing to do with you. 

Listen in to hear all four ways plus a little bonus. We all have our own issues to deal with which is why healers also need to have their own healer to go to. Just make sure that you don’t use your relationship with your clients to work on your own baggage. 

In this episode: 

  • [00:34] Being a healer is a privilege in someone’s life no matter if it’s in a personal or professional capacity. 
  • [02:27] If you are a healer, it’s important that you don’t expect more from the relationship than it is. 
  • [05:38] You do not argue with people who are not ready for transformation. 
  • [07:29] This looks like you, making their journey about you. Learn more. 
  • [09:56] When people are sharing their feelings with you, you need to pause and ask them what they need from you. 
  • [12:30] Don’t personalize your client’s progress. 
  • [15:20] Our emotions are so layered and also so simple. 
  • [17:52] Stop over-giving, which is not the same as over-delivering. 
  • [20:12] If you truly believe in this person, then step out of the way. 
  • [22:59] I personally have struggled with over-giving as a coach even though I perfected it as a therapist. 
  • [27:01] No matter how hard someone pushes you, you’ll complete things in your own time and space. The same is true with your clients. 
  • [30:54] Are you talking with your therapist or coach about your own personal triggers? 
  • [32:37] We all have places where we need to learn and grow. 
  • [33:05] Why you need to stay focused on your own life. 
  • [36:14] As a healer you cannot be possessive or jealous. You don’t need to be someone’s everything. 
  • [38:17] Learn how to just say no. Space is okay.
  • [41:26] If you’re a healer, more is not always better. 
  • [43:53] How I’m modeling this. 

Links & Resources: 

The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz

RESOURCES MENTIONED

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Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0

My, my job is to somehow make them curious enough or persuade them by hookah crew to get

0:14.4

more aware of themselves and where they came from and what they are into and what is already there

0:19.9

is just to bring it out. This is what compels me to compel them and I will do it by whatever means

0:27.3

to do. Welcome to the Black Girl's Hill podcast where we talk about healing or intimacy disorders

0:34.1

and resolve trauma and building a healthy relationship with first ourselves and then others.

0:39.6

Every episode we will talk about advice you can apply today to break unhealthy patterns and grow

0:45.2

in your software. I'm Shrinella Shea, love addition coach and trauma specialist. Let's begin.

0:51.6

Hello, hello, and welcome to the latest episode of Black Girl's Hill. So for today's episode,

1:00.8

I want to talk about four ways to not be codependent as a healer. I actually wrote down five,

1:08.0

but it made me 4.5-ish, but being a healer is a really, really incredible privilege that you will

1:20.0

have in someone's life. And so to be clear, when I mean healer, today's episode I am specifically

1:28.7

going to be talking to people who are healers professionally. So other people who are therapists,

1:34.8

other people who are coaches, people who are energy teachers, people who are crystal healers,

1:40.8

people who are constantly working in the energy and healing and transformation process of people.

1:46.9

However, healers come in all forms. Some of you are not professional healers,

1:52.8

but you're the person who's a confidant for people in your work group. You're the person

1:57.5

who's the sage in your community group. You're the person that everybody in the church comes to.

2:03.6

You're the pastor. You are a teacher in the school system and the kids come to you for support.

2:10.6

So healing and healers, there's no monopoly that one group has on the other because healing happens

2:18.1

in so many containers and in so many relationships. And at the same time, if you consider yourself

2:26.8

to be a healer or a healing space for other people, it is very, very important that you are not

2:34.8

codependent in those relationships and that you are not expecting more than what those

...

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