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On Attachment

#107: Q&A: Mismatched Libido & Anxious-Avoidant Sexual Dynamics

On Attachment

Stephanie Rigg

Relationships, Society & Culture

4.9 • 1.2K Ratings

🗓️ 7 September 2023

⏱️ 17 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Mismatched libido in a relationship is a challenge that a lot of couples face. In today’s episode, I’ll be answering a listener's question of how to navigate mismatched libido in a relationship, particularly in an anxious-avoidant dynamic. I’ll guide you on strategies to break the anxious-avoidant spiral, by initiating open dialogue and finding a middle ground between both partners.


We’ll cover:

  • Why it's unrealistic to expect your libidos to be in sync all the time
  • How anxious and avoidant attachment styles relate to sex and intimacy
  • Tips for reframing a partner's lack of interest in sex


Use the code PODCAST50 for 50% off the Sex and Attachment Masterclass - https://www.stephanierigg.com/sex-attachment

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Transcript

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0:00.0

You're listening to On Attachment, a place to learn about how attachment shapes the way we experience relationships and where you'll gain the guidance, knowledge and practical tools to overcome insecurity and build healthy, thriving relationships.

0:19.7

I'm your host, relationship coach Stephanie Rigg,

0:22.8

and I'm really glad you're here. Hey everybody, welcome back to another episode of On Attachment.

0:28.7

In today's episode, I am answering the listener question of how to navigate mismatch

0:33.8

libido in a relationship, and particularly in an anxious avoidant kind of dynamic.

0:38.9

So this is something that I touched on before on the show, but I haven't very recently.

0:43.9

And it is such a common experience.

0:46.1

And I think unfortunately one that doesn't get talked about anywhere near enough.

0:49.6

And so so many people end up feeling really lonely and isolated and convincing themselves that it's

0:56.4

just them and everyone else is having really great sex and a really thriving sex life and

1:01.7

they are alone in their struggle.

1:03.9

I can tell you from the privileged position of hearing a lot of people's stories all the time,

1:08.3

that that is far from the truth.

1:10.2

And so many people are struggling with this. So with time that that is far from the truth. And so many people

1:11.1

are struggling with this. So with one partner wanting sex more than the other and all of the

1:16.9

things that can flow from that, the shame, the conflict, the sense of rejection and unworthiness

1:22.3

and, you know, worrying about the relationship, not really knowing how to connect, internalizing that,

1:28.7

taking it very personally. All of these things are so much more common than you would realize.

1:33.8

And I think, as I said, really important to talk about so that we can destigmatize that a little

1:38.3

and hopefully empower ourselves to feel like we have more agency in how to talk about it and how to approach finding

1:46.1

a solution. So that's what we're going to be talking about today. And as I said, we'll be looking at

1:52.0

it with a bit of an attachment overlay because often sex and attachment are spoken about in

...

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