103: Sucky James (The History of Joseph the Carpenter)

Apocrypals

Chris Sims

Comedy, History

4.9 • 650 Ratings

🗓️ 3 July 2022

⏱️ 63 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

I suspect, dear Theophiloi, that there is no stepfather in all history more overshadowed than poor Joseph, the humble carpenter whose competition for his Son's affection was in fact the Almighty God. It's a pretty rough role to fill — especially when the kid you're raising keeps using holy ghost powers to murder and/or resurrect your neighbors' kids — but the tradeoff is a long life in which one is never sick or has a toothache. Turns out that baby aspirin ain't no joke. Listen in as we discuss the history of Jesus's put-upon

Topics of Discussion: Persona 5 (again), Ma and Pa Kent, the many terrible ways in which Jesus refers to his Earth parents, the Bowtie Fallacy, A. Wife, Herod's Evil, Enoch & Elijah & Tabitha & an Australian Woman.

Hymnal: "Common People" by Pulp, "Gimme Gimme Gimme" by Stephen Mann of English Martyrs Church (https://www.youtube.com/user/Principal45)

Offertory: As Enoch writes, "Whoever of you spends gold or silver for his brother's sake, he will receive ample treasure in the world to come." Support the show via http://ko-fi.com/apocrypals, or check out Official Apocrypals merchandise designed by Erica Henderson! https://www.teepublic.com/stores/apocrypals?ref_id=18246

Black Lives Matter. Trans Lives Matter. Heck 12. Isaiah 54:17

Transcript

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0:00.0	And whosoever shall write the history of your life, of your labor, and your departure from this world, and this narrative that is issued from my mouth, him shall I commit to your keeping as long as he shall have to do with his life.
0:11.4	And when his soul departs from the body, and when he must leave this world, I will burn the book of his sins, nor will I torment him with any punishment in the day of judgment.
0:19.9	But he shall cross the sea of flames and shall go through it without trouble or pain.
0:24.9	The history of Joseph the Carpenter.
0:28.0	You called your dad, he could stop it.
0:31.2	Oh, yeah.
0:32.4	You never live like common people.
0:35.6	You never do whatever.
0:38.3	Common people soon. Never fail like Apocryphals.
0:56.4	It's the podcast where two nonbelievers read through the Bible and we try not to be
0:59.4	jerks about it.
1:00.4	I am Chris Sims.
1:02.0	With me, as always, is the other set of footprints, Benito Sereno.
1:05.6	Benito, how are you?
1:06.9	Good, Chris.
1:07.5	How are things at your house?
1:10.2	Doing okay. Yeah. Cool. Here we are. Hey, you know what? I remember doing an episode. Like, it hasn't been that long since the last episode. Wow. Look at us. Two episodes and... Yes, we have done an episode in recent memory. Yes. It's true.
1:27.3	You can listen to that episode unto this very day.
1:30.7	Because of the linear nature of time.
1:33.5	Yeah, I'm really, I'm really, I like the high energy that you're bringing to the recording
1:37.4	right now.
1:38.2	I turn the radio voice on, baby.
	...

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