Hi, my name is John Kim and I'm a therapist who went through his own

rebirth. I share my feelings and revelations. I believe in casual or

clinical and with you instead of at you. I come unrehearsed on

purpose because self-help doesn't have to be so complicated. Number 10. Don't be nice.

Be kind. Most people think nice and kind mean the same thing, but I believe

there is a huge difference. Kind comes from heart. It is pure without strings without condition. It is a genuine positive regard.

Kind is gentle. Kind is a gift. Kind is compassionate. Kind is good-hearted, kind is sympathetic, kind is giving.

Nice comes from approval sinking, or actually it can come from an approval seeking mind. Nice is usually a product of

insecurity. Niceness is good manners in exchange for a reward. Nice can be

processed. Nice can be lying with fear. Nice can be false. Nice can be processed, nice can be lying with fear, nice can be false, nice can be forced, nice is a negotiation.

And I think this is why that saying nice guys finish alas, it comes from this because when you are nice, you are not standing on truth, you are wanting something in exchange.

And I think people can smell that and that's why they say nice guys finish

last. So in high school I had a crush on someone who rejected me because I was

too nice.

Now I understand high school isn't real love and a 16 year old getting shot down

is a normal part of adolescence.

But there's a takeaway here that applies to adults.

One night at a party I was drunk and emotional.

My eyes would, my eyes were watering from crying in the bedroom

about my so-called life.

So she noticed that I'd be crying and pulled me to the hallway and asked me what was wrong.

Her energy was different.

...