Welcome to UnFuck Your Brain. The only podcast that teaches you how to use psychology, feminism, and coaching to rewire your brain

and get what you want in life.

And now here's your host, Harvard Law School grad, Feminist Rockstar, and Master Coach,

Kara Loyenthyle.

Hello, are we all coping OK with the transition?

I know last week's podcast might have thrown some of you

for a loop. So I hope we're all doing okay with our thoughts and feelings.

So today I want to talk about this phrase I hear a lot from my clients

and my friends and my colleagues. I hear it over coffee. I hear it on

conference panels. I overhear it on the subway. I hear it everywhere. And that phrase is bad feminist.

I feel like a bad feminist but dot dot dot.

Maybe I'm a bad feminist but dot dot, dot. Maybe I'm a bad feminist but dot, dot, right? And bad feminist is always followed by a confession that in some way or another, the speaker's feelings, actions, and beliefs don't match up.

Maybe it makes me a bad feminist, but I just really want a boyfriend so I don't have to go

to family functions alone. I feel like a bad feminist but I don't want to seem too

pushy if I ask for more responsibility at work. I worry I'm a bad feminist but I never

say anything when the director of my department makes sexist jokes

because I don't want to get on his bad side. Does it make me a bad feminist if I

want to change my name when I get married? There are lots of reasons that women give for not always feeling empowered to act on their beliefs.

And most of these are external circumstances, like what other people will think, or the professional consequences, or the social pressure. But ultimately the real

conflict comes down to two mental processes. Number one, the first one is the process

that causes this disconnect, and then number two is why you feel bad about it.

So, let's go in order. See, this podcast is still written by a lawyer who likes to go very methodically through her argument.

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