Welcome back to part 2 of this fire episode with my boy Trent Shelton and guys we're just getting right back into it with more tools that you need to protect and find your down piece and we cover how to go about setting a boundary for the first time. The importance of letting go of the guilt that you feel for what happened to your ex. Habits you can do to build yourself worth back and back and move on finally once and for all. And what to do so you don't get pulled back into the addictive relationship. Guys, keep listening so you can stop selling, stand in your worth with damn confidence and finally find real love that deserves you. I'm your host, Lisa Bily, and this is Women of Impact. So you've got an amazing chapter in your book about boundaries. So I'd love to know that we've kind of like a really established that framework and like the foundation. Now if someone's listening, they're like, okay, I definitely hear you. I really want to get, you know, I want to get, have healthy relationships, I want to be able to be confident. How do I start to set those boundaries? And you got an incredible quote, oh my god, hit me like a ton of bricks. I would rather live cold-hearted than broken-hearted. Yeah. I would rather live cold-hearted than broken-hearted. Yeah. I would rather people view me as that, and that happens a lot. When you stop deciding to take manipulation because that gaslighting 101, people will try to flip the script on you, they will try to make you look like the bad person to the world and everybody else. They will try to assassinate your character, they will try to drag your name through the mud so theirs can be clean. And if me choosing me and what's best for me and me choosing my worth and demanding my worth and you were trying to make me feel worthless and made me settle for less, if that is co-hearted, sign me up. I got a ice box and I'm willing to I'm willing to have that reputation because I am not gonna live broken harder no more. I'm not gonna live brokenhearted for anybody.

That's a non-negotiable.

And I think that's a big thing, Lisa. Like a lot of people say they have non-negotiables, but they really don't. They have semi-non-negotiables. It's non-negotiable under certain circumstances. Non-negotiable means I don't care what the circumstances are. circumstances are. I don't care how I feel, I don't care how it looks, I don't care what

comes my way.

This is the standard that I'm living by, regardless. And so when it comes to boundaries, the boundaries are set to protect my life, to protect my energy, to protect my soul. It's set there for a reason. I built this fence, I built this, I don't wanna call it a wall, because it's not necessary while unless somebody builds it.

And I want to say that it becomes a wall

when somebody keeps disrespecting you.

Then it's a wall, because it's not necessary wall unless somebody builds it. And I wanna say that, it becomes a wall when somebody keeps disrespecting you. Then it's a wall to keep that thing out. Then it's delete the name in the phone, or change the name to what they gave you, pain or whatever you wanna call them. Then it becomes a wall. But the boundary is set for a reason to protect me, to keep me in my best state, to keep you in my best energy. And so I'm going to trust those boundaries.

But also it is a bridge. And so what I would do, because it's unfair to set boundaries, and I know I said say no with an explanation, and that's in certain situations, when you have a deep relationship, like a marriage or a relationship that's, that maybe, you know, fiance, or you've been in a relationship for three or four years, whatever, it's important to make sure you communicate. Communication is auction into your relationship, without it, it will die. And a lot of times we have silent communication. What that is, we're expecting somebody to know what you haven't said. We're expecting somebody to do what you haven't expressed that you need to be done. And so when it comes to boundaries, I've seen this. I've been given to this myself. Where I've set boundaries with people without telling them, and I get mad and resent them for disrespecting the boundaries that they had. No idea was during the first place. So, unclear communication leads to unfair expectation. You can't expect somebody to be someone you need to be when you haven't expressed that. So, have that conversation. As I call it, send the invitation out. Just like you have a party, I would send the invitation out to the party and say, hey, you're welcome to come. This is the party. You can show up. You can not show up. but I send the invitation. It's the same thing with my life.

If I'm gonna change, I'm gonna grow.

If I'm gonna shift to I.M. and stop, you know, whatever it may be, I send the invitation out. And you know what? Everybody didn't show up. But you can't be mad at me because I told you where I was going. I told you what I was doing. And so that's a big part of the boundaries is send the invitation out, have the conversation.

And then for there, you're clear.

You know that it's no unclear things. They know exactly how you feel. They know exactly what you expect. And they have a choice. They can respect it or not. But then it's more clear to you on where they stand. Yeah, you're saying your book pieces of choice. Absolutely it is. Pieces of choice, except unless it's a choice, the man in your worth is a choice, everything is a choice. So choose wisely. This whole book is literally about a constant battle. The external versus the internal. I believe, and I could be wrong with this, is my belief, my idea, that you're in control of two things. What you give, nobody can stop you from giving anything. You can say whatever you want, give whatever you want, you're in control of that. And for this conversation, what you accept, nobody can make you accept anything without your permission. So I'm gonna say this and I know it might hurt a little bit. It might not be your fault, but it is your responsibility. It might not be your fault what happened to you. It's probably not your fault what happened to you. But what you do with that information and what you do from their own out is your responsibility. And sometimes, because I know somebody out there probably needs to hear this, sometimes another chance don't need to exist. And I believe in chances. I'm guilty of it. I'll give chances with a plural of essays. But the more chances you give someone, the less respect they start to have for you. And it's true. And so you have to be able to be clear

when you send your boundaries

and having these conversations to say,

you know exactly where I'm at with things.

And I wanna tell you right now

that another time will not exist

if it's gonna be like last time.

And you gotta stand on that.

That's to be non-negotiable.

We negotiate on our worth way too much. And these external things are controlling us. And I know you know this Lisa, which are YouTube channeling all the people you coach and mentor, I'll bet you I'll be safe and say 99%. It's the outside things that are controlling who they are and how they feel. They've accepted something that they didn't have to accept. Right? If I was to give you a cup of poison, and I said drink this. Would you drink it? No, it's probably. Exactly, right? You'd be like, you're crazy, what? But what's crazy is that, and I know this seems so common sense. What's crazy is that so many of us will accept emotional poisons every single day. And we'll drink those emotional poisons like security and securities that lie as the manipulation, the apologies without change behavior. And we keep drinking this emotional poison until it kills us internally. We stand in a situation that we know we shouldn't be in. This is so profound, so profound. How do you then start to, well, so actually let me start with, you actually said you're non-negotiable is become negotiable depending on the circumstance. Yeah. And the more chances you give someone, the more they disrespect,

...