What up ladies at Chigau Liesa Bilu and you are listening to Women of Impact. We've all heard the phrase, maybe he's just not into you, but what if the truth actually is, he's never really told us what he's actually into. Now today we're peeling back the curtain of the unspoken war and often seriously uncomfortable things that men really think and never actually say out loud. And I'm diving in with Dr. Shai and Brian. Ladies as powerhouse woman has been coaching men for years, she's literally heard everything men say behind closed doors when nobody is listening. And so by the end of this episode you'll know exactly how to spot the green flag of man and never fall for the wrong guy again. So we're diving into the exact phrases men use that sound like they're interested but are actually dodging real commitment. We also go into the difference between honesty and transparency and why one will actually keep you guessing and the other will change your life and your relationship. We then discuss with out blame, ladies, why you might actually be missing the red flags in the, she's just a friend conversation and the real reason why women quietly abandon their own boundaries. Now ladies, in this episode, means Cheyenne actually completely go head to head at one point about trust. And so you want to stay tuned to hear that part because this is how mature adult women who are trying

to get to the right answer can communicate even when we disagree, oh my god, I did actually get a little heated. So I'm really proud of how we handled it though and so it's definitely worth watching now because in all honesty, if you've ever tried to decode a person, especially a man and you felt like that you're just stuck in that freaking maze or you're tired of wasting years and situations that are actually never going to go deep, then this episode really is for you,

so that you can get on the right track. So let's dive in with Dr. Cheyenne Bryant right here on Women of Impact. Dr. Cheyenne Bryant, you've coached men for years, and you've heard first hand what they say behind closed doors when no one else is listening. listening spill the tea and help us understand what do they really mean but rarely say? Okay, so I've got number one. I just wanna see where this goes. Oh, that means he completely has no intention on it going anywhere and he has no vision and we know a man without vision will pair us to relationship, run, girl, run. Yeah, how are you? All right, so we're going to move to the next one. You're really different from other fellows. I think you should ask him how? And is that a good thing or a bad thing? And lastly, what do you decide to do with all of who I am? The differences and the similarities? What do you decide to do with this? It's important for us to understand and man's intention. Where are we going? That's not dogmatic. That's smart. All right. Next one, why can't you just trust me? Well, if you have to ask that question, then we already

understand why, right? And you know, I'm a transparency woman, not an honesty woman. So is there a transparency that he's given you? What's the difference? You just said transparency on honesty woman. What's the difference? Transparency is forthcoming. Transparency is, you know, this is my password to my phone. If we don't live together, you have access to my home.

I can have conversations in front of you.

I can text message in front of you. If I'm going to dinner with my guy friends and there's gonna be a lady friend there, you know, hey, Jessica's gonna be there with us and we're going to Masterles at 8 p.m. and you know, this is what we're doing. I'm forthcoming. don't have to ask me who's going to be at dinner.

Honesty is I'm having an access series of questions who's going to be at dinner.

Okay. Who are you on the phone with? Or what was that conversation about? What time is your meeting again? What dates are you traveling? What hotel are you staying at? These are all things that when a man is invested in you and he is a trustworthy person, that he would forthcomingly, transparently disclose. Maybe I'm gone from the fifth to the 20th and I'll be staying at the risk Carlton and room numbers 5, 3, 3. That's transparency. Transparency creates trust in a relationship. Honesty creates assumption and assumption creates deception in a relationship

Because if I'm asking you I'm already assuming if I'm asking you that means I am missing information

And if I'm asking you then there's some level of trust that's missing because I have a series of questions so that you can come my nervous system

So I can feel like I trust you

And the more transparent folks are in a relationship, you will realize the less questions people have anyways. That's actually true. The less questions. Like, you tell me every Monday, hey, shy, I'm going to do yoga. When Monday comes and you leave and don't tell me, guess where I'm guessing you are. I'm probably going to catch you and say, hey, girl, enjoy your yoga class. Uh-huh. Like, you've been transparent for so many years that I've gained knowledge over you. Transparency also allows me to have insight into you. It's also intimate. Anytime someone has an access problem, it raises a huge red flag that says you also must have a faithful problem. Before a man ever accesses your body ladies ladies, he should, you should always, always have access to him. He should access your mind and your heart before he can ever access your body. Period. That is the four-play to your Vajay is four-play my mind and my heart that means create safety. You create safety, we can get as nasty as you want.

Otherwise, there's no access.

You'd ISO needed you when I was like 16 because the messaging was the complete opposite growing up.

It was like, boy, would like you if you sleep with him. That literally was the message.

Thank you. I'd love to now move on to another one. She's just a friend. Listen, probably an apologetic opinion here, but she's never just a friend. So you don't think men can be, she's never just a friend. The first opportunity for that man to have something more than a friendship with that woman, whether it's sex or relationship, whatever that is, I've yet to see a man take up on that opportunity. And how much space does a man have for a woman friend if he has a friend in his wife? Now, let me be clear on this. I'm not saying that a man has a guy friend who has a wife that he knew both of them before me. And these are both his friends and we all go to dinner again. That's different. But you have an individual woman friend who's just a friend. There's either more to that conversation that you're not telling me that has already happened and maybe it's no longer happening. But even if it's happening no longer happening, it is inappropriate to have me around someone who you've already had intimate conversations with, even if it's not sex. Oh, you think that is disrespectful. And that is a boundary for me. It's also subjective. You have some women who say they don't mind. But I've learned that the women who don't mind on year one tend to have that difficult conversation on your high. Oh, interest. And all of a sudden, she is seeing things over and over again within this time frame that she's saying, I now have an issue with this relationship. But that's the same relationship you're okay on your one.

That you knew you were not okay with.

Can I be really honest?

Yeah.

Oh God.

This embarrassing tale out loud, but you're so honest.

I want to say to you, my husband had a friend that was his friend.

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