My wife and I are approaching 40 years of marriage, which is unbelievable.

Congratulations.

That's a great deal.

Thank you. She has persevered and put up with much and it's really weird. It's sort of like we're we should be newlyweds given how little we really understand about conflict and how we manage it. But God keeps giving us little Yes, we have these little misunderstandings and it's like, well, you, and then it's like, wait a minute,

well, I, this is me, this is about me.

We're really trying to stop the emotional aspects of conflict and lean in and try to seek the win for both of us and figure

out what's going on. I think we both have a tendency to just want to win. I have a tendency to ratchet up my tone, ratchet up my voice, my loudness, because I want to be heard and I'm right. I know I'm right. That doesn't usually work. We're going to talk about conflict if that's not a

parent. I'm Jean Fuller joined by Dr. Greg Smalley and his wife Aaron. They lead

the Focus Marriage Department and how about the two of you? I mean it's been over 30 years for

you so I'm sure you've had a few conflicts along the way I know you have you've been

very transparent about those yeah and I I think based on our personalities, you know, we're going to show up during

conflict, you know, differently, you know, I'm a conflict of voider, so more on my personality,

I just, you know, I just don't want the boat rocked I just

want to avoid that stuff I just want peace and harmony and so you know I know

Aaron you want the same thing.

It's just going to show up a little bit differently, right?

But I think what's universal within conflict

that was such a huge benefit as we understood this

is that, you know, conflict is really driven because we have these deeper sensitive

emotions that get triggered so it's kind of the phrase oh you just push my button

well those are emotions that get triggered.

And then we simply, you know, shut our heart down and react.

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